Love Wins. Period.

Grace: a story

2012-01-29T09:23:00.003-05:00

I often wonder how she felt.

Standing there caught in her shame, she had no place to hide from their stares. No chance of passing the blame - she was caught in the act. No chance of getting away with her sin - these guys meant business.

But, so did He.

He already knew her. He knew her habits, her vices. He also knew her dreams. Her secret longings. Her desire to be beautiful. Yeah, he knew all about her.

And yet he still loved her.

I often wonder how she felt; humiliated and scared out of her mind. Her eyes darting towards the jagged stones held by the hands of men - many of whom she had already met before. Many of whom she had already known before. The cat calls and hissing of men and women in the crowd - the plea for justice in the form of stone against flesh - crashing around her.

But none of these could distract from this man standing next to her.

Majestic yet simple

Fierce yet serene.

Jealous

Oh my, He was jealous.

A voice cried out, "Abba! We caught this woman having sex. It wasn't even her husband! You know the law. According to Moses, we should stone her." The man, silently remembering his own indiscretions with the targeted woman, threw a furtive smile towards his friends. "What say you, LORD?"

Silence.

A few chuckled. She groaned inwardly. They had Him now. All He had to do was mention this thing of... grace and they would have Him trapped. Everyone knew the truth: she was a slut. A whore. A good-for-nothing piece of trash who gave away her body for a few scraps of bread and measly change.

Grace doesn't change the truth.

...right?

Everyone waited.

Quietly, He stooped down and wrote in the sand.

She braced herself for the first stone's impact.

His voice shattered the silence, "Yes. She has sinned. But. Let the one with no sin throw the first stone."

She closed her eyes, tears making rivers down her cheeks.

Thump.

One stone hits the ground with stunning finality. The man who dropped the stone, shoulders slumped, turns around and walks away.

Thump.

Another stone fallen; another man turns to leave.

One by one, the stones hit the dirt. The woman - was she amazed? Did she have the strength to stand under the weight of a sin forgiven?

Quietly, without much ado, the men left. Only One remained.

"Where are your accusers? Did no one throw a stone?"

She managed a whisper, "No, Abba."

He smiled. "Neither do I. Go and sin no more."

I often wonder how she felt.

With the thud of grace ringing in her ears, did she dance? Did she sing?

Or did she cling to His hand? In desperation for love and acceptance, did she for the first time feel beautiful? Did she see her worthiness as far more than pearls as He gingerly wiped tears from her cheek?

I'd like to think she did a little of all of these. I'd like to think that humbled, she fell at His feet and wept bittersweet tears of redemption. I'd like to think that when she was done, she finally felt what it was like to be forgiven.

To be free.

Happy Tears

2012-01-21T08:30:00.002-05:00

Why do we cry when we’re happy?

You know, truly, stunningly, beautifully, happy. So happy that it’s almost too much to endure.

If you know me even a wee bit, you will know that I wear my heart on my sleeve and my top Life Language is 'Responder'. Whether it is a movie, book, sunset, or a personal chat sharing stories over a cuppa, it only takes something small to poke at my heart and I am left in a pit of tears. I admit it; I’m a sap for a happy ending and anything nature.

And I think that’s true for many of us, there is something about a happy ending that resonates on a level so deep we can hardly put it to words, so deep that tears come to our eyes.

That’s what stories do, the best stories at least. In the words of Flannery O’Connor

“A story is a way to say something that can’t be said any other way, and it takes every word in the story to say what the meaning is.”

Stories help us understand something about ourselves and the world around us in a way that propositions cannot.

And a funny thing about those stories, the ones that really touch us, they hardly ever look like what one would expect if you observed our day-to-day lives. They’re not about finally making it big, or having a better house, or getting a promotion. Not that those things are bad, but they’re not worth living for.

The best stories remind us of that, they help us re-imagine what it means for our stories to be stories worth telling, stories of richness in life not in money, stories of family and friends and community, stories of going through the worst and coming out the other side, stories of the beauty and meaning all around us that we sadly and consistently overlook.

I think sometimes that God gave us tears as a way to release emotion and promote healing because sometimes things are too wonderful or too awful to hold inside and tears give us a way to let out all of those intense feelings. But at the deepest place, I think even “happy tears” are a result of sadness. The wonder of the good wouldn’t be so significant unless we have lived in the depths of the bad for at least a season.

Perhaps the value of such things could never be properly conveyed by anything but “once upon a time.” That’s why we need stories, from the grand myths to the stories of friends and family. We need more happy crying. Because you can’t quite explain it, and that’s exactly the point.

I Found A Lie...

2012-01-19T13:54:00.006-05:00

i found a lie inside my heart today.
it reeked of cleanliness and perfection.
that i’m better now,
that i’m better than i was.
another lie answered back
i found comfort in the familiarity of its grip
that i’m just as broken as before
and that i’ll always be
all these things i crave
that they’ll never leave

i ache to agree
to choose my pain
but i ache greater to be at peace

all i know of lies
is that they distort the truth
all i know of truth
is that it is you

lost between
i resolve to know nothing
i remember i know nothing
but you

and

i remember where to find you
because i know where i am
we are between my heaven and hell

and I am faced
with a fury
so desperate and
meaningless and
I can’t fight this
fit of rage
that swells in my belly
and tells of more swells
that rush to the shore
to break down
and hush the hope
that tells my heart to want more
than this

still?
still.
still I dream.

this?
this.
this is love.

What the Living Do - Marie Howe

2011-11-16T11:09:00.000-05:00

Johnny, the kitchen sink has been clogged for days, some utensil probably fell down there.And the Drano won’t work but smells dangerous, and the crusty dishes have piled up

waiting for the plumber I still haven’t called. This is the everyday we spoke of.It’s winter again: the sky’s a deep, headstrong blue, and the sunlight pours through

the open living-room windows because the heat’s on too high in here and I can’t turn it off.For weeks now, driving, or dropping a bag of groceries in the street, the bag breaking,

I’ve been thinking: This is what the living do. And yesterday, hurrying along thosewobbly bricks in the Cambridge sidewalk, spilling my coffee down my wrist and sleeve,

I thought it again, and again later, when buying a hairbrush: This is it.Parking. Slamming the car door shut in the cold. What you called that yearning.

What you finally gave up. We want the spring to come and the winter to pass. We wantwhoever to call or not call, a letter, a kiss–we want more and more and then more of it.

But there are moments, walking, when I catch a glimpse of myself in the window glass,say, the window of the corner video store, and I’m gripped by a cherishing so deep

for my own blowing hair, chapped face, and unbuttoned coat that I’m speechless:I am living. I remember you.

Silence

2011-11-11T07:58:00.004-05:00

I planned to come into work early this morning but my eyes bugged open 33 minutes before my alarm was due to wake me up. I knew it was the Lord and He was calling me to spend time with Him. I sat and reflected on today - eleven eleven eleven - as tears came to my eyes and flooded my cheeks of the hope and expectation that lies in today. Many gather around the world to see what God will do today – The Call Detroit just one event - yet there is a somber heaviness in my heart to reflect on the lives that were lost in World War One this morning. War formally ended on "the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month" in 1918 when Germany (I think!?) signed the agreement to end the war. The importance of this event is what we stand and reflect on at 11am on November 11th, and I know that as I spend two minutes of silence today that I will not forget the ultimate sacrifice that was shed for me by the Lord Jesus.

Here is a sonnet I wrote this morning in my time with Papa.

November

November pierces with its bleak remembrance

Of all the bitterness and waste of war.

Our silence tries but fails to make a semblance

Of that lost peace they thought worth fighting for.

Our silence seethes instead with wraiths and whispers

And all the restless rumor of new wars,

The shells are singing as we sing our vespers,

No moment is unscarred, there is no pause,

In every instant bloodied innocence

Falls to the weary earth, and whilst we stand

Quiescence ends again in acquiescence,

And Able’s blood still cries in every land

One silence only might redeem that blood

Only the silence of our living God.

Considering Mothers

2011-05-28T09:24:00.002-04:00

I spent Mother's Day this year with so many mum's down in Tarentum, PA on a weekend woman's retreat. Never in my life have I seen so many adult women go so hard for Jesus. Watching them allow God to transform their hearts was a blessing I will cherish forever. On Sunday morning, the men at the church put on an honouring breakfast for all of the mum's of the church. Mother's Day is usually the day where flowers and cards are given and mothers taken out to dinner while being doted on, yet there is often little consideration of what motherhood is all about. Are we to celebrate every kind of mother, when there are books filled with tales of appalling parenting? And aren't we adding insult to injury for women who would love to be mothers but - can't?

I think there are two areas we need to think about.

1. The Significance of Motherhood

I believe that we need to affirm mothering. It has been rather downgraded in modern Western culture. The spotlight has fallen on women who are successful in areas such as politics, media and business and women who have chosen to stay at home and look after children can feel undervalued. This is wrong because being a mother is vital and important.

I feel like this stage of my life has me surrounded with motherhood everywhere. I have friends who have recently had children, some who are about to give birth any day and many who are expecting! I often sit in my living room and have chats with good friends as we dream of our future husbands, marriage and having children. If the human race is to have a future we need mothers and if that future is to include civilization, then we need good mothers.

2. Treating mothers with consideration

We need to respond to the needs of those actively engaged as mothers. Their task is tough. As Milton Berle once said, ‘If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?’ Western culture now puts expectations on mothers to also be successful at work, an efficient home manager, an elegant hostess and good in bed.

I sit at my favorite coffee shop Crema in Toronto's Junction district and watch as a mother teaches her little girl how to sip water from a cup. She takes a sip before the cup suddenly falls to the floor, creating a small puddle in one of the high traffic areas in the cafe. I spoke gently to the little girl saying "it's okay" while an expecting mother (who is carrying so low and about to deliver any minute) bent over and willingly helped the struggling mum to clean up the water mess. My point is proven. Mother's need support - not just from other mums, but also from community.

We really need to come alongside and offer help and encouragement to mothers. They need more than a card, a bunch of flowers and a few sugary words once a year. We should do all we can to help mothers, whether by organizing babysitters, providing a helping hand to a single mum, offering meals or discretely giving a little financial assistance to those who need it. We must stop taking motherhood for granted.

Mother's Day truly is every single day of the year. I want to encourage you to all to say thank you to the mothers in your life, encourage them and keep them all in your prayers.

Overflow

2011-05-24T18:24:00.003-04:00

I have owned the book The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus by Brennan Manning for some time now but it has only been recently that I picked it up and began devouring it's pages. I feel like mush inside and I know God is doing a new thing in me and with me. Knowing God as Father is a message Catch the Fire has really helped me walk into and the revelation of Daddy's love for me continues to go even deeper. I feel so shattered in the Spirit - in a good way of course :)

I have been listening to this Jonathan David Helser song Abba over and over for a few months now but listening to it today alongside reading Brennan Manning's book has allowed me to go to a deeper level in believing with my heart and understanding with my head that God really is love.

My heart has just been in a state of wanting to overflow with worship all the time because He is just sooo good to me. I stream worship music at work all day, I listen to it in my car... worship is the first thing I put on when I come home from work... worshiping Him is really all I want to do. I want to live a life where my every step and action oozes worship to Jesus.

My prayer is to constantly be moved to worship, with a heart full of faith responding to the beauty and the goodness of the Living God and his finished work on the cross. It is so wonderful when we experience the presence of God and begin to be transformed even more into the likeness of Jesus.

We aren't ever meant to muster up worship in our own strength but rather we are compelled to as we see Jesus more clearly, experience the love of the Bridegoom King, and sing back the breath given to us by the One who first breathed life into the dust, sung his song into the clay.

Letting Go - Part 3

2011-03-06T13:53:00.003-05:00

As you may have noticed, I changed the title of the story. Not to sure if it will stay that way but if you wish to follow the story here is Part 1 & Part 2. Truth is I have now 'finished' it and entered it into a contest even though I am not completely satisfied that it is complete and to my liking. I will give you the rest in bits and pieces when I decide that you can no longer bear not knowing what happens next. Hehe. I love to hear your thoughts and comments, so please let me know what you think :)

“I don’t understand. What is happening to me?”
“What is your last memory?” She said before he could ask any more questions. She repeated her questions when he hesitated.

Like his previous memories, he felt they all came together in a subtle harmony. This new memory hit him with a force that made him step back and cry in agony. Every muscle in his body grew hot with pain as each strand of muscle pulled itself free from him until it slowly subsided and his vision cleared. He could see a small town from the edge of the forest where he sat behind a boulder, plumes of black smoke rising from several buildings. A dark gray cloud hovered over the town, growing stronger by the minute. He saw people flee the town, mainly women and children, covering their faces to keep themselves from inhaling too much smoke.

He was dressed in uniform, battle gear strapped against his chest and back. Holding his rifle with his left hand he felt for his sidearm making sure it was still strapped to his hip. Two soldiers stepped past him to make their way towards the town. They moved through the trees carefully to the nearest building. A soldier to his left climbed through the window only to be greeted by a single shot from the inside. He heard a dull sound, the soldier’s lifeless body falling to the ground. Several more shots followed in rapid succession as he fell to the ground to avoid the gunfire. He lay motionless with every breath becoming harder to take than the one before. He tried to move, but his limbs refused to listen. The other soldier with him was lying towards him with his dead eyes staring right into him. He noticed the small, red spot forming over the soldier’s chest and he begun to laugh. Laughing at God’s merciful joke until his lungs let out a painful cough. He looked up towards the clear morning sky, the sun failing to warm him from the cold winter. A brown hawk soared through the sky, in his arrogance calling to the world to see him in flight. It swept over the forest and suddenly dove towards the ground, attacking an unseen prey at the bottom of the tall oak trees. He heard distant thunder of war and its deep, echoing cry before the world around him went black.

Flash Forward 10 Years

2011-03-01T11:53:00.009-05:00

It scares me to think that the things we use so frequently now are going to become so foreign to those 10 years down the road. Seriously, what will be next?!

If you are reading this in the year 2021, please comment and share the 'next great thing' post YouTube, Skype & Facebook!

The Meeting - Part 2

2011-02-20T00:51:00.002-05:00

I have begun a literary journey. I will be posting pieces from a story I am writing in my weekly challenge to write a short story. Not really sure of where this will lead but I love that this creative process is exciting, challenging and rewarding. Please follow me on this journey. Click to read Part 1

Each memory interlocking with another, forming a satisfaction he didn’t realize he was missing. He stood reliving all of these moments. It was quiet and dark and he felt himself floating in the darkness. Suddenly, he heard a dull thumping, steady and rhythmic as one memory melded into another. The smells, sounds, and sights seeming all too real for him to comprehend. This new memory was of his mother holding him in her arms. He looked around, trying to gather his surroundings but feeling safe in her arms. The image began to fade as the pattern unraveled and wove itself again into something new. Each pattern pertaining to a different event in his life as the joyous wove together with the sadness. His first kiss and his first love came and went. The weaving repeated the cycle faster each time until he was only able to relive a couple seconds. Only then did he realize that he was holding her hand in his. He was reliving the moments in his life over and over again, until it seemed it would never come to an end. Then, as abruptly as it began, it was over. Through his tears, he looked at her, warm smile never leaving her face. He tried to speak to her, but he was too drained of emotion. After a long moment for what seemed like eternity, he was able to speak.

The Meeting - Part 1

2011-02-17T21:47:00.001-05:00

A familiar face came to stand before him in the darkness, bringing light to where the shadows had once been. Her smile filled his body with a warm and comfortable feeling. It was a smile that he had seen a million times before, but could not place its familiarity. It gave him the feeling of lying in bed under the warm covers amidst a cold winter morning. The same cold he had felt only moments before she had come to him.

“Not yet.” She said softly without moving her lips. He did not know what her words meant, but her eyes gave him a comforting look. He relaxed his tense muscles as best he could, studying her a little closer.

“I know you!” he whispered. Her smile widened as she came closer to stand a few paces from him. Her soft blue eyes held a sadness that was lacking from her smile. Her long brown hair disappeared into the darkness around them. It was then that he realized the light emanated from her, the only refuge from the cold, dark void he had been trapped in. He shivered as he remembered the feeling of despair and helplessness he had felt within. For how long had he been suffering and he could not begin to imagine. He tried to scream, but to his frustration all was silent until she appeared. There was a touch of amusement in her voice.

“Yes, you knew me very well once I would say” she said as she drew closer.

“Who are you?” he inquired.

“That is not what is important. What is your name?” she responded.

“Ethan.”

“Ethan. That is a pretty name. I have always liked it. Tell me Ethan, what is your earliest memory?” As she spoke the words, he felt a gently pull inside his head, pieces of memories from long ago, once forgotten, now returning to him in an intricate woven pattern.

Pine Point, NWT

2011-02-11T23:22:00.003-05:00

The town that has been erased from the map - an interactive video.

I came across this video through a favorite mommy-blogger and just spent the last half hour savoring the visual presentation and allowing the stories to truly touch my heart. The film portrays a very eye-opening video/documentary/scrapbook of the town of Pine Point, NWT. As you flip through the 'pages', you learn how much community truly plays a part in life after 'the best years of your life'. When memories is the only thing left of a town, what happens?

The quote in the image above struck me hardcore - I had to read it 4 times to fully grasp. Stay tuned for my complete thoughts but for now I urge you to flip through and take a look for yourself - Enjoy.

Meanwhile, I will fall asleep tonight utterly thankful that I live in such a lovely, thriving community.

Daniel Fast - Day 18

2011-01-19T13:39:00.003-05:00

It has been 18 days since I have started this Daniel Fast and despite some good revelation, I can only trust that I will soon be able to say I have loved this experience.

There are only so many ways one can eat fruit, vegetables and whole grains in a meal.

Oh how my mind and stomach is craving fried eggs, cheese, milk and bread! Mmmm... leavened bread! I can be honest in saying I have learned even just a little bit more about sacrifice in the past 18 days!

The good news is I am over half way done - 12 more sleeps!

Daniel Fast - Day 2

2011-01-03T12:04:00.002-05:00

So I have begun a Daniel Fast yesterday and as I have been overcoming the hunger pains, God shared something pretty neat about Daniel.

When Daniel's friends - Shadrach, Mishach, and Abednego - were thrown into the fiery furnace, they were bound but also living in total faith with God. Immediately the bindings were loosened and they were free, even before getting out of the furnace.

There are times when we are in the heat of things - when we wish things weren't the way they were - when all that is bothering us weighs us down and turns us towards negative thinking. Instead we must realise that we are actually free when we trust in the Lord because we have victory through Him!

Christmas Surprise?!?

2010-12-27T00:18:00.004-05:00

I heard a statistic on the radio shortly before Christmas that said something like 95% of people (presumably this only includes those who celebrate Christmas) know what they are getting for Christmas before Christmas day. After a few minutes of casual 'Googling', the only statistic I can find is that out of 1000 people in the UK, 1/3 of them actually admitted to searching their house for gifts, and some of them even opened them. Regardless of how accurate these statistics are, I can attest in my own life that they are (somewhat inadvertently) true.

I have known what I was going to get for Christmas nearly every year. You see, I usually latch onto one toy or idea or item, and because I was blessed with a generous mum, it usually always happened. Even as my brothers and I create our own traditions, knowing that I gave them a short list of things I desire, there's a good chance I will be receiving them. I remember years of bidding Advent chocolates with my brothers to splurge what I would be getting that year under the tree. Searching in mum's closet was always a fun game too - jeepers, I wonder if we ever told her we did that as kids?! Hehe

Regardless, every year my brothers and I were laveshed with gifts by those who love us most and this year was no exception. I knew a few ticket items I had asked for, and the inevitable housecoat (I have 6 - any takers?) and tacky pajamas from one Auntie, but the rest was a surprise.

I have concluded that I much prefer being surprised on Christmas. I know having a wish list for someone makes braving the malls that much easier, but when someone comes up with creative ideas on their own, a special place in my heart is filled. So when there is no surprise to Christmas, when you get what you wanted, but nothing seems truly magical anymore, sometimes I feel a little disappointed. I look forward to Christmas all year, but sometimes I forget to look forward to the Christ part of it all.

Now if you are still with me and haven't given me up as an utterly materialistic, ridiculous person, allow me to draw some parallels, and explain why this matters.

Hearken back, if you will, to the days of Jesus. According to a statistic I found here, at its peak, the Jewish population was only 1.8% of the total world's population. So less than TWO PERCENT of people even knew to be expecting Jesus approximately 2010 (give or take a few) years ago. They hadn't really heard from God in around 400 years, and did not know when the Servant of the Lord, who had long been prophesied about, would come.

So think about the first Christmas. Only a maximum 2% of people even knew about the possibility of Jesus, and only a select few individuals even got to see Jesus that first day. (Mary, Joseph, and the shepherds). Now, they were properly excited and surprised - the Son of God is here today, finally, after a long period of waiting. But I can help but wonder if maybe some people were disappointed. The ones who found out later, who didn't see the angels or the ethereal glow. God sent us a baby? Puh-leeeeze. Would they have doubted? Were they disappointed? If I remember correctly, my understanding is that many of the Jews thought Jesus would come all hellfire and brimstone, ready to take back the kingdom from all the conquerors.

But that wasn't His agenda. His agenda was to love and to teach and to share and to provide people a way back to the Father. His agenda was a full-on exposure for the world to the glorious grace of God. That we could not earn our way to salvation rather knowing it is a free gift. For clarification I am not talking the kinds of free gifts you get after spending $200, or being one of the first hundred people in line on Boxing Day. This is a free gift for all who will receive it.

Would it have been a shock to their system? This idea that you cannot earn salvation and that no amount of lamb's blood could truly cover sin. The thought that all you need is Jesus, a guy who probably looked like the rest of them and who was distinguishable only by actions and words.

It goes against human nature. It defies logic. Kind of like Santa Claus, but infinitely better.

Then when you finally get it, when you stop trying to earn it or figure out what it is going to be and just receive - how amazing! When you stop peeking, planning and trying to make sure everything is just perfect so you can be happy. When you decide to instead enjoy Christmas as a day to celebrate when God's love came down to us, to create a way back to Him and His glorious love, and ultimately His presence. That in itself is a present. Perhaps then the tinge of disappointment will disappear and you can just rest in His salvation, grace and presence and in turn choose to be surprised each and every day by God himself.

Or at least, that's what I have tried to do.

Merry Christmas!

She doesn't know it yet

2010-12-21T22:34:00.004-05:00

She doesn't know it yet, but her mother is dead and her father is not around. In fact, no one knows who her father is. She has beautiful brown eyes, and skin and hair. She is 4 months old now, and has been living at a private orphanage in Mozambique her entire life. But she won't be able to stay forever. She doesn't know it yet but her grandmother won't sign her over to be adopted, instead opting to have her raised in an orphanage, so she can visit when she feels like it. When being the operative word. She is in limbo right now. She isn't given up or taken in. Good thing she doesn't know it yet. The comforting walls will eventually be replaced by a large white washed concrete group home. The caring hands who are gently taking care of her will be replaced by who knows what. Her warm crib could become a cot, or a tile floor. Will she be hugged? Will they tell her she is beautiful? Will they hold her when she cries? Will she ever know that she is loved. Will she ever know God?

One of my favorite things to do when browsing the internet is to search for pictures of African babies. I somehow formulate and create these stories in my head like the one above. Many of them filled with deprivation, heartache and hopelessness. No matter what I seem to imagine in my head or read about from those who work hands on with children like the little girl above could ever put reality to the story.

I have not experienced Africa. I long to experience Africa.

Right now my head understands that stories like the one I've created are a reality for so many children. Right now my heart so desperately wants to feel, wants to experience, wants to show even just a little bit of love for these children. I want to be there, hold their hand and tell them that that even though I won't be in their life forever that there is someone even better than me who wants to be in relationship with them.

Today is my 25th Birthday! I sit here and am so amazed at the friends I have around me and all that God has provided for me. I honestly have the most incredible people in my life and am so blessed! God is so good to me. Still, I think about babies in Africa who won't even see their 5th, let alone 25th Birthday. I am reminded again of just how blessed I am.

There is just something about being 25 that has hit me harder this year than any year before. I look at the number and it is just so 'odd' and incomplete yet full and rounded.

In the card my mum gave me on my 21st Birthday, she told me to follow my dreams and to make them happen. She empowered me to follow my hearts desires and to do whatever it takes while using the strength I have within me to overcome all obstacles. How true is this of God's plan for me too.

This year I am going to begin my journey to Africa. Only God knows how long I will stay there for, what I will do and when I will go. My heart is soft and so ready to trust Him in every step of the way. It is my desire to change the story of even just one child. To turn the above story into something like this -

She doesn't know it yet, but she has a Father who loves her so much. He gave her the most beautiful brown eyes, skin and hair that glisten in the morning sun. She has only blessed those around her for 4 months now, but those who are taking care of her in a private orphanage in Mozambique are going to love her forever. She doesn't know it yet but she is a princess, and Daddy's favorite little girl. Her grandmother visits her as often as she can. She is adopted by one of the care givers in the orphanage. She knows she is loved. She knows she is a daughter. She doesn't know it yet but the comforting walls of the orphanage are soon going to be replaced by a bedroom with pink and white curtains and a baby doll to play with. Her adoptive parents will show her God's love elaborately each and every day. Her Heavenly Father knows her every need. Each day she will know she will be hugged and caressed by those who love her. They will always tell her how beautiful and wanted she is. She will live as an example of Jesus' abundant blessings as she leads many to the Lord. All because one girl in Canada showed her the love of Jesus.

Snapshot Sunday: T Dot

2010-10-24T14:09:00.003-04:00

I was perusing my old blog recently and found a questionnaire from November 2005. I laughed at many of the answers however some responses revealed dreams I have hidden deep in my heart, only now resurfacing.

When asked five years ago at age 19 where I'd be in five years, the answer was: "Ideally I will be a home owner and living out in the country, attempting to start my life out and on my own."

Five years later I sit in my top floor bedroom with sloped ceilings in the west end of Toronto.

*Gasp* Toronto?! *Gasp*

I can honestly say I LOVE it here.

I love when God surprises us. I love that God can take where I thought I would be (the country) and place me in the polar opposite (the city) all the while teaching me to trust that His plan is in it all.

Yesterday God stopped me right in my tracks to remind me of how much beauty he has places around me. I was driving home from a friends place in the east end praying for a few things when I looked to my left and God told me to pull over. God knew that I was eager to get home yet I obeyed and from it came only good things. I parked on the side of the road, grabbed my jacket and started walking along the side of the road. I was absolutely in awe of the city of Toronto. Surrounding me were trees in full autumn colors and the skyline of downtown Toronto. I was almost brought to tears with that 'lump in my throat' feeling at the thought that THIS is MY city. I have never really accepted the fact that Toronto was home. I travel between Mississauga and home frequently and it wasn't until yesterday that I realized I have been looking at my home in Toronto as a temporary place instead of truly living here. How often do I go and shop in Mississauga because it is familiar, or leave the city for refuge. Right where I am is a safe place and I love Toronto. God revealed to me my love for the city, and that there is so much beauty within.

With the Mayoral election tomorrow I have found myself really caring about who gets elected. Not because I am interested in politics, but because my heart genuinely wants to see the best for Toronto. I am so delighted to call Toronto MY city, and my HOME.

So much has changed since I answered the questionnaire almost five years ago. In the answer I said that I would be "attempting to start my life out and on my own." Little did I know that would start a lot sooner than anticipated. I have learned that I don't have to wait for my life to start. Life is happening right now and embracing where I am in this moment is so important.

Snapshot Sunday: Rags

2010-10-11T09:21:00.003-04:00

So the girls here at 422 are doing a fun collage on one of our big walls that will be home to our kindergarten school photo. What fun! While digging through old photos in the basement, I dug up all of my school photos that I have. Us girls were laughing at the hair, the lack of hair, the floral prints... the list goes on.

At first part of me was so embarrassed of some of the pictures (the one above included) because some old habits are hard to get rid of. Notice the spilled milk/toothpaste on the front of my dress? Yup, I am STILL trying to overcome that one! Ha ha!

When I realized that there is nothing to be embarrassed about, I proceeded with showing my roommates the pictures. We had fun trying to find me in class photos, laughing at the looks on the faces of other children and laughing together even more at the vast array of my hairstyles.

Hair. This is what I wish to touch on today in Snapshot ~~Sunday~~ Monday. It is really hard to overlook the fact that my hair is wild and out of control. I promise you, ever since I was a child, my hair has been bone straight. I lack volume in my fine hair and every picture day - in an attempt to look good for my photo - my mum would put my hair in rags the night before to go for the curly look, or small braids to go for the crimped look.

On this particular day, it is obvious to say that something went wrong. Either it was raining outside, or perhaps I stuck my finger in an electrical socket. Both scenarios are highly possible. What makes my hair in this photo even funnier to me is the fact that my bangs are bone straight and cut crooked.

Add the floral print dress that drowns me in all of the fabric goodness, and you have a win!

Thank you 1991 for allowing me to display your awesomeness.

Freedom

2010-10-07T13:48:00.000-04:00

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."
Galatians 5:1

Raw Emotion

2010-10-06T08:43:00.000-04:00

raw and real
stings sometimes
(and keeps some of us compelled to come back)
because
the truth is:
ALL is Love!

from my heart
to yours... there
is so much to
be discovered
in a song that
makes us cry

Note to Self: Unshackling Emotions

2010-10-04T10:02:00.000-04:00

whatever stories you’ve made up about
"what is going on"
are largely delusional
and only valid from your particular (peculiar) perspective

however
the buzz you feel around certain stories
is real
i.e. there’s something happening

sit with the energy
embrace it
embody it

and most importantly
stop letting the stories
tempt you into wasting your mental powers
figuring it all out

drama happens
some people need this to survive
you don't

instead of reacting to drama
(which feeds it)
hold everyone in your heart
whenever they come into mind or view

less processing
less contempt

more forgiveness
more compassion
more Love

Snapshot Sunday: Crescent Rolls

2010-10-02T15:24:00.004-04:00

Mmmm... doesn't this picture just make you want to eat each and every single crescent roll from the can?

It does for me!

This weeks Snapshot Sunday is a little story about the Pillsbury Crescent Rolls. Now we all know that eating lots of carbohydrates bring Sheena much comfort. Eating ~~one~~ most of these 'yummy parcels of goodness' satisfies that craving like no other. Add a little bit of butter and I am pretty sure its like heaven having a party in my mouth.

Pillsbury Crescent Rolls bring me very happy memories. Not only as a comfort food, but also as time well spent with my mum as a child. I remember being a little girl, popping the can open and rolling each and every one of the crescents. My mum would always say how good I was at it and would keep telling me I was doing a great job. It was quality time spent with my mum and I am so thankful.

I remember one particular autumn afternoon when we were up at the trailer in Honey Harbor. The boys were out playing with their friends and I was inside with mum. I had to have been around 11 or so as it was one of the first seasons we spend up north. My mum had me, as always, roll the crescents onto the pan and put them in the oven so they would be ready before dinner. When they were ready we both decided that we needed to try one and before we knew it they were all gone.

The best part is we didn't even tell my brothers that we made them in the first place. She had me drive my bike all the way to Picnic Island so that I could go get more for dinner. We both laughed so much at our 'secret adventure' and as always, whenever I make these 'yummy parcels of goodness' I remember my mum and I devouring the entire batch in one go.

Note to self: It's Obvious

2010-10-01T11:18:00.002-04:00

it’s obvious

changes are happening

let go of how you 'wanted' it to happen & relax

trust that you’re being delivered to where you need to go

let go of all goals except the most general

faith
love
happiness
abundance
peace

whatever floats your boat

relax about the specifics

who are you to know what you’ll enjoy most?

and anyway

real Joy beyond happy/sad is already available 24/7

all:ways superimposed on top of every arising

NOW

it might take awhile to feel it fully

as the body takes awhile to adjust to the new frequencies!

so until then

cry if you want to

Redeeming Love

2010-09-27T06:45:00.001-04:00

Love the Lord your God, and love one another
Love one another as he loves.
Love with strength and purpose and passion and no matter what comes against you, don't weaken.
Stand against the darkness, and love.
That's the way back into Eden.
That's the way back to life.
~ Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers

Snapshot Sunday: Remembering

2010-09-26T07:58:00.000-04:00

I have been doing a lot of thinking, praying and talking to God lately about many different things and I have realized that in this transitional season of my life, all I want is a big hug from my mum. Not that she would be able to change my circumstance or be a magic fix to all of my issues, but I have really come to realise that there are just some things that girls want their mums for. For me, this season is one of them. Now I know that it would be easy for me to just hide all of my emotions, pretend that I wasn't feeling hurt or sad and carry on with life but this will not help any of the healing process.

Now brace yourself for what I am about to say.

The truth is, I sometimes forget about my mum.

"But Sheena, how is this even possible? She was your MUM!"

I know!

No longer is the association of my mum a sad one. Whenever I used to think about her, I would cry because the pain was still so real and valid. Now, I love celebrating her and honoring her. She was a wonderful woman who loved her three kids more than anything in the world. She fought for us until the very end and when she passed away, I thought for so long that I now had to be the fighter to keep everyone together.

I have since walked out into so much freedom, knowing God is so much better at taking care of me and my family than I ever could be. How incredible is this?!

This weeks snapshot is a photo of my mum, my Grampy and myself outside of the manor where my Grampy lives. This was also the last time that my mum and her dad ever saw one another. I have this photo framed on my bedroom wall and whenever I look at it I don't think of this 'last time ever seeing one another' picture as a sad memory. It is a happy one. The trip to New Brunswick on this occasion was for the funeral of my mum's brother, Mackie. He suddenly passed away and his death was a shock to the whole family. Despite these circumstances, I watched as my whole family came together, bonded, laughed, and grew closer to one another.

This spring day was filled with lots of laughter. My Grampy can be hard to crack a smile with, but my mum always managed to have her dad laughing and in a good mood. On this day, I will never forget my mum's laugh. She laughed often, but in this moment when it would be easy to feel sad and mourn the loss of her brother, my mum was able to have those around her dancing, singing and celebrating my Uncle Mackie.

This week God reminded me of my mum's laugh. I closed my eyes and heard her laughing in my head as if she was in the room right beside me. When I long for her embrace, God shows up and holds me so close. When I feel like I need my mum so much, the Father shows me over and over how much more He is able to provide for me.

Last night I was able to stand up, blare the country music in my room and do what my mum would have done - sing wildly, dance crazily, and enjoy the moment.

Sometimes the best healing comes when we see what God is doing in the now. No longer do I have to feel let down by what has happened in the past, rather I can focus on what God is doing in the present.

Sometimes all we have to do is dance! God will figure out the rest.

Snapshot Sunday: Bedroom Chair

2010-09-18T00:44:00.008-04:00

I love stories. I love pictures. I love writing.

So why not put them all together, you ask? Well isn't that a great idea! I think I shall.

Welcome to a new series I will call Snapshot Sunday. Every week I will post a photo and a little (or a long) story in my quest to begin capturing some of my favorite things. I want to be someone who recognizes my everyday surroundings and doesn't take it for granted. Many of these photos may look boring or simple at first but to me, these things contain memories and with each memory a story can be told.

First, let's play a game. It's called 'How many things can you find from Ikea in this picture?'

Answer: I'll leave it to the Ikea fans to comment and let me know!

The Poӓng chair is a staple in many Ikea loving homes - mine included. It sits in a nice open corner of my bedroom right next to a massive window that brings in lots of natural light. I have to admit that I love spending time in my room. When I sit in this chair I cannot help but feel inspired and full of life. There have been countless mornings where I wake up, make my morning coffee and sit in this very corner of my room reading, writing or spending time with God. It's my favorite way to spend a relaxing Saturday morning. When the morning sun shines into my room, I am reminded again of God's incredible goodness and cannot help but get excited for all that is to come.

This chair has been the very spot where I have cried, laughed and celebrated. It's the very spot where my dream of writing a book was reborn. It's the very spot I cried from the bottom of my heart because the pain was just so real. It's the very spot I found out my aunt was cancer free. It's the very spot God met me on countless occasions.

To many this is just a photo of an Ikea Poӓng chair. For me dreams were born, tears were shed and God was made even more real. It the utmost comfort, of course!

The Prodigal Son

2010-09-08T00:14:00.003-04:00

Luke 15 tells the story of the Prodigal Son. It’s a story about a son who chooses to leave his father, his home and go live a life of sin. It’s also an amazing story of grace when the son returns home. The story of the Prodigal Son has been taught, preached and loved for years.

I recently heard the story preached again when I was in Norway. This is one of my favorite stories in the Bible and again its message resonated deep within my heart. I just need to say that I think it would have been better if Jesus finished right there. It would have made things much easier. Instead he added the 'older brother' into the story. When he did that, he added me into the story. Ouch.

I think I have a case of 'older brother disease'.

The part of that we often like to forget is the story of his older brother at the end of the chapter. It’s the story where the older brother refuses to celebrate his younger brother’s return. We don’t like this story because it’s the part that many of us play everyday. It’s a role that is just as dangerous spiritually as the role of the 'lost' or prodigal son.

I'm going to coin 'Older Brother Disease' as a terrible spiritual sickness that can only be cured by repentance, softening your heart to God’s word and understanding God’s amazing grace. You may have the spiritual disease and not even realize it. I know that I have some symptoms.

How do you know if you have 'older brother disease?' Here are some symptoms:

- Do you refuse to celebrate when one returns from being lost?
- Do you question others motives when they repent from their sin?
- Do you treat people differently because of their past sin?
- Do you consider their sins worse than your sins?
- Do you feel like you've earned your love and acceptance from God because of your faithfulness?

If you answer yes to any of these, you may have 'older brother disease'. I have to admit that it wasn't until recently that I have begun working through some of this stuff. It sure was a slap to my face. I don’t know how many spiritual parties and celebrations I missed because I was questioning God’s ability to forgive. I still struggle with it sometimes. Just about the time I think I have it all figured out, it rears its ugly head again.

The good news though is that God gave me a tool to help me overcome this ugly thing when God began showing me just how AMAZING His grace really is. Think about it...

David – Committed two of 'the biggies' - adultery & murder - and yet was still a man after God’s own heart. AMAZING!

The Woman at the Well – She was married five times and was shacking up with another man when she met Jesus. Yet Jesus found her incredibly important and salvation worthy. AMAZING!

The Woman caught in Adultery – Sadly, had I been there, I would have probably been holding a stone. But Jesus told her, “Is there no one here to condemn you? Then neither do I condemn you, go and leave your life of sin.” AMAZING!

Jonah - Want to know why Jonah jumped into a boat in the opposite direction of Nineveh? Because he knew “God was merciful and would forgive,” and he didn’t want God to do that. AMAZING!

We can find these and countless other stories in the Bible that show time and time again how wonderful God's mercy and grace truly are. Never again will I ever doubt the work that God is doing in other people. I choose to be a person who sees people as God sees them - loved and broken just like me.

Please forgive me

2010-09-06T23:10:00.004-04:00

I’ve kind of always believed that confession was not for God’s purpose but for our own. God already knows everything I’ve done. I’m not going to surprise Him by confessing something He doesn’t know. Confession has to be for the purpose of reminding me just how much I need God. It reminds me that I am a sinner. It reminds me that I’m forgiven. It also reminds me that God is a good God.

Flipping through my Bible this afternoon, I was reading Micah and I am blown away by the revelation I've found regarding forgiveness. Micah 7:18 says “Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight in showing mercy.”

Did you catch that last part? Here it is again with emphasis, “God delights in showing mercy.” To me that’s utterly amazing. God not only is willing to forgive me, but delights in doing so! The NLT says "[God] delights in showing unfailing love." Even though I myself fall short, God lavished me in His unfailing love.

I’ve often wondered if my confession to God, who delights in showing mercy, goes something like this:

With shame in my tone because I don’t want to disappoint God I say to Him, “Father I need to tell you something about myself that I’m not proud of. I need to tell you that I’m… I’m… I’m a…”

God then says excitedly, “I forgive you, Sheena.”

I say, “But God I didn’t even get out what I was trying to tell you. I’m having a hard time getting this out, and You jumped in there a little early. I was trying to tell you that I’m a… I am a…”

God cuts in and says eagerly, “Yes Sheena, you’re forgiven.”

“Father,” I say, “Can I finish, please? I need to tell you that I’m a…”

God says with delight in His voice, “Sheena, I forgive you!”

“But God,” I say, “I didn’t even get a chance to finish. Please, let me finish.”

God says, “Okay, go ahead.”

So I say, “Father, Father, I’m a… I’m a… sinner. I have sinned.”

God says, “Sheena, I already knew that and I already forgave you.”

With relief in my voice I say, “Father, you are SO good to me. Thank you Father.”

God says, “Anytime Sheena. You are MORE than welcome. Just don’t ever forget that I delight in showing mercy and I love you so much.”

I think we are so often clouded by the thoughts of Satan and that we start thinking that God can’t forgive our sin. As silly as it sounds, I feel sometimes Satan makes me feel guilty in that I've almost gone over my limit. In my own helplessness, God shows up and makes me realize that He is right there. When I look and believe that He truly delights in showing me mercy, I am able to fully understand that I am so dependent on God. I need His Mercy and Grace.

I have a really big dream...

2010-09-03T23:24:00.004-04:00

God has been challenging me recently to dream big. And by big, He's asking me to dream really, really big. Like... not possible without God sized dreams.

MY DREAM IS FOR UNITY. It’s time that we grow up and stop fighting. If Jesus prayed for unity (John 17) among his followers, and Paul preached it (1 Corinthians 1), I think we should start doing it. We’re all in this together and our goal is to take as many people with us to heaven as possible. When we fight, we’re simply focused on the wrong thing.

MY DREAM IS THAT WE WOULD FOCUS ON PEOPLE. Church is and always has been about people, not about buildings, programs or mission statements. Let’s put our focus back where it should be - meeting people’s needs.

MY DREAM IS FOR COMMUNITY OUTREACH. It’s not just about reaching the world, but also reaching the people across the street. It’s about reaching the people you work with, play with and run with. Church is not just about what we do 'in the building' but also what we do 'outside the building'. I want to be a church that is outwardly focused to win their community for Christ. Just unlocking the doors and turning on the lights on Sundays isn't enough. We must go to the world and not just expect them to come to us.

MY DREAM IS THAT WE BECOME A CHURCH THAT TALKS ABOUT JESUS ALL THE TIME. He’s our main focus. We don’t need gimmicks to draw people in, we have Jesus. He should be at the center of everything we do and teach.

MY DREAM IS THAT WE WOULD LOVE PEOPLE EVEN WHEN THEY HURT US. Too many people get their feelings hurt and quit church. I’ll be the first to admit that it’s always been a temptation to simply become bitter and angry at the people who've hurt me. God reminds us all of the importance of forgiveness. Love people as Jesus did. It’s not easy, but it's one thing we're all called to do.

MY DREAM IS THAT WE WOULD BECOME A CHURCH WHERE ALL PEOPLE FEEL WELCOME. I’ve heard in the past, “The last place I wanted to bring my friend was to church, because I knew someone would say or do something to embarrass them or me.” How sad. The church needs to be a safe environment where people know they can bring family or friends and truly have a love encounter with God every time.

Still... God asks me to dream bigger

God doesn't quit

2010-09-02T23:03:00.003-04:00

Tonight as I was looking at my blog I noticed I have multiple posts started and saved as drafts, but I’ve never finished them. They have been sitting around for a very long time waiting to be finished.

What I realize is that I’m a great starter. I can start anything and everything. If you need something started, I am your girl. The problem is I’m not a good finisher. I can’t seem to finish all the things I start. Unless it is baking. I’ve started a book that I still sit on, fiddle with whenever I seem to have time. Still, it's left unfinished. I have ideas for subsequent books, ideas that have yet to completely transform into reality. I’ve started small group topic chats that I’ve never finished - good revelations I want to share but don't. I can’t begin to tell you how many other projects I’ve started that I haven’t finished.

The bitter sweet irony in it all is I love seeing a final result. Being able to look at something and realize that all of my time and hard work has completed something is absolutely exhilarating for me.

I’m glad God’s not like that. God is not only a good starter, but He’s an even better finisher. I vaguely remember an old kids church song that goes something like, “He’s still working on me, to make me all I have to be…”. I’m extremely thankful that He’s not finished with me. I’m so far from where I want to be spiritually, and I’ve got many flaws in my life that need serious work. I struggle spiritually, and I need God’s help. As I cry out to the Lord, “Father, I’m a spiritual failure and I look nothing like your Son,” I’m reminded He gently answers, “Sheena, don’t give up. I’m not finished with you yet.”

“…being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” ~ Philippians 1:6

God hasn’t quit on you, make sure that you don’t quit on yourself.

“Father, thank you for your grace and your salvation. I thank you today, Father, that you have refused to quit on me. I know you will keep working in my life, and I continue to strive to be more like your Son. Amen”

The joy of a simple hello

2010-07-03T23:45:00.002-04:00

I am in need of leaving the city. I love Toronto so much, but I desperately need to get out. My heart desires the simplicity of country life. Since I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately of my time spent in the country and out of town, one of the nicest things about country life that I can remember is the fact that people generally take the time to ‘pass the time’ with you.

In the city I go about my day to day routine and I rarely make eye contact with strangers, or the people I pass on the street. Like all the other ants in the colony I carry along on my own sweet path completely oblivious to all of the other people around me. It’s almost as if the other people who inhabit the space around me in the city (i.e. those outside my family, and personal circle of friends) are just irritating obstacles in my path as go about my day and my own ever so important tasks.

I don’t like this about myself and I know I am not the only city dweller with this same attitude. Whenever I’m in a small country-like town, almost every person I seem to encounter salutes me with a smile, a simple “hello” or a “good morning”. I love the genuineness of the people and I am sure that many of them are either city dwellers like myself, or who have previously lived in the city.

What is it about being in the countryside that makes us all relax, chill out, and turns even the most brusque city dweller into a civil smiling chatty individual? Whatever it is I like it. If we could only bottle it, we could again bring back civility to the whole world! Not just that, but be a little bit more like Jesus in each of our steps, actions and words. I’m choosing to be intentional with my interactions with other people to try and bring a little bit of small town attitude to the city.

Still… I yearn to escape.

I think the poem below sums it up quite eloquently...

Leisure

"What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stop and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this, if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare."

By: W. H. Davies

Faith is sometimes spelled RISK

2010-06-28T00:08:00.004-04:00

The month of June has been coined 'risk' month in a small group I attend through my church. Each week we ask God to give us a new risk... something that will take us out of our comfort zones, embrace our fears associated with the given risk and to just get 'er done. I have been stretched and pulled in so many directions this month it's been crazy!

Today I was thinking about the phrase that Faith is sometimes spelled RISK!

With all sorts of unknowns in my life lately, I have come to terms that every single day seems to be a risk for me. I have put my trust in God and have to walk firm knowing that my faith is strong enough to overcome every single challenge that comes my way.

Jeepers... I have done so much growing in my faith walk lately and even though it has been a result of taking risks and diving into the unknown every single day, so much of it is an intentional choice. As of late, life for me has taken many unexpected (mostly good) turns that have led me to being stretched and pressed and molded and shaped and transformed into more of who God has called me to be. This hasn't however come with a cheap price tag. Every single day I choose to wake up and believe that God is good, and that I can trust Him to come through for me.

It's almost like God and I are playing a game of blindfolded follow the leader. God asks me every morning if I will put on the blindfold and trust that where he is taking me is good.

Every morning I say, "Yes!"

Risk Week 4:

I walk into work and am given notice that in 5 weeks time, I will no longer have a job. My boss has purchased a new home 2 hours west of the city and will be relocating her home daycare center where I work. I am so happy for her and this opportunity but inside I scream "HOW WILL I AFFORD TO LIVE?! I DON'T HAVE A NEW JOB LINED UP! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?"

God says, "Sheena, remember how I began preparing you to look for a new job!? I knew this was going to happen. I only have good things for you and I am now making room to take you to even higher places. First, you must give me your fear of not having enough to live off of and understand that I provide for you above and beyond the basic necessities. Remember, you choose to trust me even though you don't always know where I am taking you. Never let go of my hand."

Yes, God was right in saying that He has been preparing me long before this happened as looking for a new job has been a couple months in the making. In the first 'risk week', God had me talk to my boss and tell her that I was looking for a new job. This took me forever, but in the end when I told her, I felt excited and filled with hope of all that was to come. Since finding out about my job, the reality of the situation has hit home and God has been helping me through my many fears of not having my ducks in a row and I am now left with no other option than to trust that God knows what is happening and ultimately He is in control.

I leave work sad and disappointed but also with hope that the best is yet to come. Even though I don't know where God is taking me next or what it looks like in 'Sheena loves to plan and know what's next' kind of fashion, I must trust in Him as my leader and remain expectant to all of the incredible things He is going to do.

I have learned this week that this whole faith and risk thing is a lot easier said than done but what remains is that I know that God is good all the time! I feel like I am at a place where I understand it not only in my head but also honestly believe it in my heart. When I intentionally choose to keep my faith and trust in God every single day, I cannot help but get excited at all that is to come in the days, weeks and months ahead.

What God starts, he will also finish!

What's your strategy?

2010-06-22T23:38:00.002-04:00

I have a good friend who is a tattoo artist and when I saw this, I chuckled out loud at the thought of buying a house and getting inked at the same time...

Have you seen any other oddly paired marketing strategies in the past?

The Letter

2010-06-09T18:15:00.000-04:00

Little cramped words scrawling all over the paper
Like draggled fly’s legs,
What can you tell of the flaring moon
Through the oak leaves?
Of or my uncurtained window and the bare floor
Spattered with moonlight?
Your silly quirks and twists have nothing in them
Of blossoming hawthorns,
And this paper is dull, crisp, smooth, virgin of loveliness
Beneath my hand.

I am tired, Beloved, of chafing my heart against
The want of you;
Of squeezing it into little inkdrops,
And posting it.
And I scald alone, here, under the fire
Of the great moon.

By Amy Lowell

Agape

2010-05-09T23:21:00.001-04:00

"Agape doesn't love somebody because they're worthy.

Agape makes them worthy by the strength and power of its love.

Agape doesn't love somebody because they're beautiful.

Agape loves in such a way that it makes them beautiful."

~Rob Bell

Honey Harbour

2010-05-03T00:01:00.004-04:00

O, Honey Harbour. The very thought of you takes my breath away! There was a time I was afraid to look at you or think about you, but here you are on my mind again, awakening. Some of us saw you sleeping, a soft and wintry sleep; we were watching purity at rest. Most of us see you waking, to your greater glory, your sparkling waters, lush green vegetation, friendly sounds of birds and breezes witnessing to something even more lovely, and we reach out to connect to you.

From where did your beauty come? Who made you, so alive? It's something so much more intricate and detailed than the happenings of mere chance. And who designed you, inviting us to discover more of you and never tire of looking at you day after day?

This is where I want to be and to be with my family and friends, here with you, away, to breathe in your fresh and flora aromas and soak in your warmth and wealth of generosity to me. You allow me to escape the busyness of the city and enter a brand new world, so carefree and unapologetic. Who are you? Tell me, so I can thank you. We have shared so much, at least 10 years together, and I yearn for you again. I miss you yet the thought of you makes me feel like I never left. From our wild times, to your soothing caresses, even a gentle peace and comfort that lingers in my very core. In the quietness do I hear you admitting in perfect honesty, “I am not my own.”? And if this is so, I must look behind your scenes and scents to find the One who made you so. I can revel in you, but I really cannot thank you, Honey Harbour; I must go to your Creator for that.

Yet I muse with you in my longings that your Creator is the one who created me, also. Sometimes I think He made you just for me, because He loves me enough to do that. I know that if He can put beauty in me, then who I am is only a mere reflection of the beauty He can create. You, Honey Harbour are also a beautiful creation with the ability to restore the beauty in the lives of others who meet us here, because your Creator is also my Creator – another thing we share.

Remembering

2010-05-01T11:03:00.001-04:00

I feel a warmth around me
like your presence is so near,
I close my eyes to visualize
your face when you were here.

I endure the times we spent together
as they are locked inside my heart,
For as long as I have those memories
we will never be apart.

When I'm feeling down and lonely
I turn to the only expert,
He knows just what I need to hear
And gives me peace and comfort.

Even though we cannot speak anymore
my voice is always there,
Because every time I think of you
I say a little prayer.

Happy Birthday, Mum!

Meet Stanley

2010-03-11T07:43:00.003-05:00

Everyone, this is Stanley. I encourage you all to not get too attached to him. Stanley is an amoeba parasite and currently lives in my eye causing me much pain and discomfort. I'm introducing you so that you can pray for it to leave my eye. This is a serious infection and Stanley has well overstayed his visit, as noted by Stanley's persistence in growing at an exponential rate.

Sorry Stanley but you are no longer welcome to live on my cornea!

If in doubt, love.

2010-03-02T19:53:00.004-05:00

Here is another one from Hugh MacLeod. He has some really wonderful art and this one spoke to me a lot today. Here is the blurb he wrote with it:

Love is the easiest thing in the world to do, until it isn’t. Until we get overwhelmed by “Stuff”. The black lines in the cartoon represent overwhelming “Stuff”. The red lines represent “Love”, fighting like hell to keep alive, in spite of overwhelming odds. We’ve all been there….

I love this piece of art. What I appreciate most about it is the ’simplicity' of the statement and the complexity in action. I see it as love spreading throughout all of creation despite all of the chaos that surrounds us. As if all the distractions in the world try to choke out the simple, powerful message ‘The greatest of these is Love.’ My eye is pulled towards the smallest part in the corner where the most important message is given.

When we love it spreads quickly, powerfully and it's unstoppable!

Love Begets Love.

2010-02-25T08:59:00.002-05:00

By: Hugh MacLeod

A Number

2010-02-15T10:40:00.005-05:00

When you come into my head it's almost like
a zing, a ring, a ding,
a tickle, flick, snick,
tickle here, blink here,
there, here, up over inside me just behind there
and sometimes I think of you inside my feet, because I walk on them all day,
then up on my wrists, behind my watch, under my ring,
it's you twisted up in my hair when I tie it back,
my collar bones are always thinking of how and where and why
and I know my knees remember you
and I'm just walking down the street
or just as I am about to sip my coffee
you come in for a visit inside my head,
sweetly, briefly
and then you are gone again.
I love each and every one of these moments.
If I think about you 1009 times a day, and you think of me twice as much
(even though it's every single moment).
If you remember me and have a thought
and remember all I do,
doubled,
then you must be thinking of me 2018 times a day
(even though it's every single moment).
Perhaps you're quite busy with all of this thinking,
and yet you think of me even more
(even though it's every single moment).
Perhaps because you love me so much this number is still
doubled,
so then I'm in your head, on your mind,
at least 4036 or so times per day,
maybe more,
(even though it's every single moment).
Perhaps I only feel you because I only choose to feel you
when I want to
when I have the time,
when I feel down,
when I don't know what to do.
If 1009 is the number of times I think about you,
I know each time you will be there,
thinking about me too.
I feel like we're always together,
because we think about each other at the same time.
You meet me for coffee,
you hold my hand when I walk down the street,
you cry with me when I feel down,
you show up when I need you the most.
There is no specific number.
I cannot find a formula or equation to escape from your love
because you love me
(every single moment).

Part 1: We Want To Be Busy

2010-02-09T21:42:00.006-05:00

Just over a year ago, I moved to Toronto. Originally from the suburbs, I always desired to move to the country and raise a family on a farm somewhere. I would have laughed in your face if you told me that I would ever be living in the city. I am falling more in love with the city every single day and to be honest, I could not imagine living anywhere else. The pace of city life is very fast and I find myself constantly drowning in work, parties, church, the gym, etc. At times it feels like I am living Sunday to Sunday and I look back and truly wonder what I have accomplished in my week.

I am desperate. I am in a dire search to find quietness, to find rest and to bring balance and stability to this wild ride called life. In all of this, God has been reminding me of Psalms 46:10-11 (ESV):

Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah.

Amongst all of the busyness, God calls me to be still and focus my eyes upon Him. Our culture finds meaning in busyness. Busyness makes us feel important. Busyness implies responsibility because our culture says important people are busy. Busyness leads to self-deception: I think I am achieving great things, if I am busy. Busyness is vanity: I am important if people, places, and things need my attention. Busyness does not reflect on God or meditate on his greatness. Busyness is laziness for I never have to stop and ask what is really important. Busyness is self-absorption. Busyness contradicts the rest, joy, and peace that God tells us to focus on. Busyness is such a distraction from the most important relationship in life: God.

Our society tells us that being busy is a good thing. Peter Kreeft speaks this of busyness:

We ought to have much more time, more leisure, than our ancestors did, because technology, which is the most obvious and radical difference between their lives and ours, is essentially a series of time-saving devices. In ancient societies, if you were rich you had slaves to do the menial work so that you could be freed to enjoy your leisure time. Life was like a vacation for the rich because the poor slaves were their machines... [But] now that everyone has slave-substitutes (machines), why doesn’t everyone enjoy the leisurely, vacationy lifestyle of the ancient rich? Why have we killed time instead of saving it?...

We want to complexify our lives. We don’t have to, we want to. We wanted to be harried and hassled and busy. Unconsciously, we want the very things we complain about. For if we had leisure, we would look at ourselves and listen to our hearts and see the great gaping hold in our hearts and be terrified, because that hole is so big that nothing but God can fill it. So we run around like conscientious little bugs, scared rabbits, dancing attendance on our machines, our slaves, and making them our masters. We think we want peace and silence and freedom and leisure, but deep down we know that this would be unendurable to us, like a dark and empty room without distractions where we would be forced to confront ourselves...

If you are typically modern, your life is like a mansion with a terrifying hole right in the middle of the living-room floor. So you paper over the hole with a very busy wallpaper pattern to distract yourself. You find a rhinoceros in the middle of your house. The rhinoceros is wretchedness and death. How in the world can you hide a rhinoceros? Easy: cover it with a million mice. Multiple diversions.

I know there is no way to cover up a rhinoceros in my living room. I desire to seek God and all that He has for me instead of allowing the enemy to distract me with so many things to keep me busy.

Next up: Where did the time go?

Unconditional Love

2010-02-06T09:03:00.002-05:00

A love without conditions.
No strings attached.
Known, understood, wanted, chosen,
pursued, the apple of His eye!
His cherished possession.
His treasure.
Accepted for who I am.
Forgiven for what I've done.
Not wanted for what I have.
Not picked for my accomplishments.
Welcomed just as I am.
Not chosen because of my talents.
Embraced in my undeservedness
Not His by my own doing.
Secure by His promise.

Unconditional love...
My goodness didn't earn it!
My sinfulness cannot lose it!

Unconditional love...
My works did not grant me access to it.
My failure can't keep me from it.

Unconditional love...
My desire didn't possess it.
My carelessness can't undo it.

Unconditional love...
My righteousness didn't merit it.
My selfishness didn't cancel it.

Unconditional love...
My integrity didn't secure it.
My wandering didn't invalidate it.

Unconditional love...
My serving didn't attain it.
My performance couldn't stop it.

Unconditional love...
My Bible reading didn't acquire it.
My doubt didn't withdraw it.

Unconditional love...
My tithing didn't buy it.
My jealousy didn't negate it.

Unconditional love...
My obedience could not obtain it.
My anger did not repress it.

Unconditional love...
My best cannot deserve it.
My worst has not, and will not
destroy His love for me.

I am unconditionally loved... period.
Case closed!
It is finished!
Over.
Done deal.
Irreversible.
Loved...
Accepted...
Forgiven...
Forever!
Period.

Preparation

2010-01-14T14:03:00.000-05:00

Main Entry: prep·a·ra·tion

Pronunciation: \ˌpre-pə-ˈrā-shən\

Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English preparacion, from Middle French preparation, from Latin praeparation-, praeparatio, from praeparare to prepare

Date: 14th century

1 : the action or process of making something ready for use or service or of getting ready for some occasion, test, or duty
2 : a state of being prepared : readiness
3 : a preparatory act or measure
4 : something that is prepared; specifically : a medicinal substance made ready for use

Sheena the Avatar

2010-01-13T15:43:00.001-05:00

So if I were a tall and lanky Avatar, this is what I'd look like! Eek!

My Ragamuffin Soul

2010-01-11T19:59:00.002-05:00

Since I have a new pretty blog layout thanks to my dear friend Kamela, I thought I better be inspired and write. Afterall, I do love it. This post may be all over the place, but that's just where I'm at right now.

The past week or so I have been so hooked on listening to the IHOP Prayer Room whenever I am in my room. I have seriously been amazed at the change of atmosphere in my bedroom since it has been streaming consistently. There is such a peace and calming quality that worshiping Jesus brings to the place.

God spoke a single word to me yesterday morning which left me confused.

Ragamuffin.

I thought about it quite a bit throughout the day and decided I would look up the definition when I got back home. As I was tidying up some things in my room, I heard someone singing on the IHOP web stream about washing our hearts and soul clean. God then said, "See Sheena, you had a ragamuffin soul."

This only perked my interest even more as to what a ragamuffin was. I've heard the word thrown around with respect to a book called 'The Ragamuffin Gospel' by Brennan Manning, but never have I known it's exact meaning.

Webster defines Ragamuffin as this:

a ragged often disreputable person; especially : a poorly clothed often dirty child.

How true was this of my own heart and soul? Inside it's easy to feel like a ragamuffin. Our sin can make us feel dirty, disreputable and worthy of nothing but Jesus came and washed me clean. He washed you clean. We once had a ragamuffin soul, but when we invited Jesus into our heart all of that was taken away. Don't let the sins of the past make you feel like you still have a stain that isn't able to be fully washed out. We were given a pure and clean heart without any stains when Jesus died for us. No matter what we have done in the past, when we admit our sin we can rest assured that Jesus has forgiven us already and we no longer have to constantly dwell on past actions.

We are not at all disreputable. We are all called to royalty. Others desire to be around us because we carry Jesus with us wherever we are. We can rejoice knowing that we once had a ragamuffin soul but now we are washed clean and a new creation.

"This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

Sometimes we all need to be reminded of what exactly happened when we accepted Jesus into our hearts. I know I sure did. If you've never known what it is like to be washed clean; or if you feel like you are a ragamuffin on the inside and want to know more about what life could be like with Jesus, please comment and I would love to speak more with you.

love love.

2009-12-27T15:53:00.002-05:00

Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.
-- C.S. Lewis

Charity Case

2009-12-06T10:35:00.003-05:00

The past couple months I have been asking God to give me a theme for the month. Something He wants to speak to me about and focus on. God told me the month of December was going to be all about acceptance. Without asking Him, I just assumed God meant I would finish the month feeling accepted even more by Him. I never imagined that it would manifest itself in so many different ways, and it is only December 6th.

Accepting Help

How many times have I slipped and fallen? Fallen down the stairs? Fallen up the stairs? Every single time I feel dumb and clumsy as if everyone is going to be staring at me having expected that I have fallen and hurt myself. My first instinct is to look around and see if anyone has seen me fall. When and if someone has seen me, they tend to laugh alongside with me at the fall and then offer their hand to help. Chances are, each and every time I say, "No, thanks, I'm all right. I've got it. I can do it. No problem. I'm OK. Oh, it's really no big deal. I can handle it. I don't need your help." It's as though if I accepted their hand for a help up (someone who is genuinely showing concern about my fall) would demonstrate my own weakness.

God reminded me of something that happened this past week. As I was getting ready for work one morning, I looked outside my window and noticed that it was pouring rain out. Using that as a guide to what I would wear that day, I decided that I should probably dig out my boots and waterproof them before heading out. I sprayed them with the waterproofing spray and then headed to my car for the long yet exciting 3 block drive to work. As I confidently stepped onto my porch and down onto the first step, my newly sprayed boot made contact with the fresh rain shortly before my back side also made contact with the wet cement steps. All 5 of them. Ouch! The first thing I did was get right to my feet to make sure that no one had noticed my dramatic, yet epic fall. I even looked across the street to see if the old man who frequents sitting on his porch was there as a witness to my fall. I dusted off my soon-to-be bruised tail bone and gracefully entered my car to escape the scene of my very embarrassing moment. I am telling you now, it was worthy of a captive audience in a sold out theater.

It is more difficult for some people to ask for help than others. This is definitely something that I too struggle with as more often than not, I'm determined and encouraged to handle it myself. I know that I am not alone in this. The answer to this came as I was reading Bob Lenz's book Grace. He says, "If we say we're Christians, we must admit we're charity cases". What he means by this is that we cannot go around saying that we can do it all on our own. We need to accept help from others, especially when it is being offered to us on a silver platter right in front of our face. The truth is, most people do not want to be seen as a charity case. We don't like to ask for help or seem weak.

As I talked to God about this part in the book, I openly told Him that I don't like those feelings either. As much as I was glad no one was there to see me fall down the stairs, deep in my heart I know that it would have been so much nicer if someone could have been there to help me up. It makes getting up off the cold, wet ground that much easier. I don't like feeling helpless, like a charity case; but that is what we need to be in front of the Lord. He so desperately wants to be there for us and depend on Him. I was then reminded of these verses in 1 Corinthians:

Remember, dear brothers and sisters, that few of you were wise in the world’s eyes or powerful or wealthy when God called you. Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important. As a result, no one can ever boast in the presence of God. 1 Corinthians 1:26-29 (NLT)

God alone made it possible for us to be in Christ Jesus. He is the one who made us completely acceptable to God. The verse tells us that God chose the foolish, powerless, and despised; those who were counted as nothing at all. I don't want to be called foolish, powerless, despised, and nothing at all. I want to be important. I want to say that I did it, that I matter. But the funniest, most ironic thing is that when you are in the place of receiving charity from the Lord, you don't feel like a nothing. You feel like you matter. You feel the worth of God saying, "I love you!"

There are times when it is okay to boast in independence and giving things all that you've got. When I walked down those stairs, with the excitement and pride of wearing my newly sprayed winter boots I was proudly walking with confidence. I felt good about myself despite the rain and I was doing it on my own. Then before I knew it I was flat on my back end at the bottom of the stairs disappointed because I felt embarrassed and that I had failed such a simple task. Falling down and realizing that we need help even when we don't think we need it takes us off guard and goes against our human nature. Most people love to give a helping hand and say, "Hey! Here you go, let me help you!" Yes, people love to give, but we hate being charity cases. God doesn't work that way. He wants us to be dependant on Him and seek His will for our lives. When we are too independent, we think we've made it on our own and take the credit for what God has done in our life.

It's OK to be a charity case. I know that I am one!

Un-named but known

2009-11-11T09:44:00.002-05:00

The tears of pain and sorrow, long ago are near today and never gone, and still fresh in our minds, a mother weaps in anguish for the son that never returned home to say goodbye. How can someone look that woman in the eye and give her such a report - abort some say of the mission that claimed so many lives, for my life to live. It burns my soul and heart that I may not understand that which they understood, sense what they did and see what they saw. Death all around, the stench of flesh decomposing and the reminder that they too may be next, put to the test, where no one grades and no mark is given. Their reward; to survive, to soar high above their enemy and win the battle or lose, they don't choose. As I write this in the morning, its hard to think, not knowing, while this candle lit and dimly glowing, a shadow cast on a face downcast yet with a touch of pride. As I write, the emotions are still raw, not yet thawed by the autumn sun on the horizon. With a wing and a prayer we hope the best in this time of fear, that those we may have lost, they so dear, may somehow share in the freedom, this dream, beacon of hope we call home, this land, this country, this nation under God. I pray the lost soldier... brother, sister, father or son, some un-named but still I remember I was there - no I will be there in rememberance not only on this day but every day. Keep dreaming, succeeding and building on the seeds sown in ages past that will one day flow, in that land where poppies grow, perhaps slow but enough for even those who may not know the price paid for the freedom of many. We know we all live in freedom for what Christ did... the ultimate sacrifice. Silence... commemoration, adoration and maybe frustration for victories won, battles lost, friendships forged and at such a great cost; to the line in the sand, the musty earth from which we took on our existence. I plant here my feet on this ground, remembering ones too soon gone, with a tinge of pride and hope that one day we may meet again in distant lands.

Lest I forget.

A child's view on thunderstorms

2009-10-17T16:29:00.000-04:00

A little girl walked to and from school daily.

Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to school.

As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with lightning.

The mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school. She also feared the electrical storm might harm her child.

Full of concern, the mother got into her car and quickly drove along the route to her child's school.

As she did, she saw her little girl walking along.

At each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up, and smile.

More lighting followed quickly and with each, the little girl would look at the streak of light and smile.

When the mother drew up beside the child, she lowered the window and called, "What are you doing?"

The child answered, "I am trying to look pretty because God keeps taking my picture."

An Interconnected, not Compartmentalized Life.

2009-10-15T14:13:00.003-04:00

I love to cook and bake. God knows I am able to relate to the art of baking and so I have recently come to the conclusion that life is all connected through the use of a baking analogy. When we understand the pursuit of the Kingdom of God, His righteousness and our God-ordained purpose is the foundation for wanting to do ‘it all’, we now need to figure out how this really works in our everyday lives.

I have found most things in life come back to a really yummy 'Chocolate Cocoa-Buttermilk Cake with Chocolate Icing' recipe that I make. Let me explain. I want you to think of this chocolate cake recipe. In order to make this cake you will need:

14 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
2 cups plus 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
¾ cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1¼ teaspoons baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
1¼ cups buttermilk
2 tablespoons brewed espresso or strong coffee, cooled
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1¾ cups packed light brown sugar
2 large eggs
Chocolate icing

You simply could not make this cake without every ingredient listed above, yet when a piece of cake is sitting before you with an oversized dollop of whipped cream on the side, the last thing on your mind is the list of individual ingredients that went into making the cake. You're only thinking of the combined result you're just about to sit back and devour.

However, the truth is that the cake is made up of many different ingredients, all of which are key to its success. Every cake starts with a measure of flour and then various other ingredients depending upon what kind of cake it's going to become. If you removed any one of its parts, the overall result would be affected in terms of flavor and consistency. Once baked, it's impossible to isolate the flour from the eggs, or the milk from the chocolate. It's all mixed together, and that's what makes the cake so wonderful.

Similarly, every area of our life is interconnected and mixed together: spiritual, relational, emotional and physical. The whole, which is who we are, is the total of each of these parts. Just like each cake starts out with a measure of flour as its foundation, our ‘all’ begins with Jesus at the center of our lives. Then, depending upon what kind of ‘cake’ we are to be, all of the other components are added accordingly.

Simultaneously, I am a Christian, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a cell leader, a teacher, an author and all of the other facets that make me the kind of ‘cake’ that I am. Every ‘ingredient’ of my life is interconnected. I don't stop being a daughter when I sit down to write, nor do I stop being a sister when I am teaching a child how to make a monkey noise, just as I don't stop being a Christian when I'm having a ‘discussion’ with my brother. I'm all of these all of the time, and they all work together to make me who I am. My life begins to spiral out of control when I try to separate, isolate and compartmentalize these areas, rather than keeping them interconnected. I need to allow all of the components that make me who I am to work at the same time to create the God-life I'm called to live.

I used to wrongly think that as a good Christian woman, my priorities in life had to be in the following order:

God
Family
Church
Job
Friends
Leisure
Health/Fitness

It's not that there's anything wrong with these priorities or the order I chose to put them in, but instead of seeing my life as an interconnected whole, I had set things up in competition with each other. I was constantly frustrated because I never seemed to have enough time for anything, especially quiet time with God, and He was at the top of my list! I could not devote enough time to all (or sometimes any) of the items on my list; therefore I was never able to check off one ‘task’ and confidently move on to the next (especially in the 'right' order).

The reason things did not fit into my neatly constructed box or list of priorities was because, well, life happens! The reality is that unexpected events and disruptions occur daily, and no matter how much we try to control things, we ultimately can't control every moment of every day.

When I was compartmentalizing my life like this I was setting myself up for feeling like a clown juggling a thousand balls at once when it was even hard to juggle three. I ended up convincing myself that if I focused on being a better sister, my friends would be neglected in the process. Or if I pursued a career, there would be less time for church and friends. Or if I wanted to spend time with family, then I was not spending time with God. So every time I tried to develop one area, I was secretly feeling guilty for neglecting another. My life kind of became one big mess of competing priorities.

God never intended for life to be a juggling act, nor for us to feel that if we nurture one aspect of our lives, it will be at the expense of another. The different aspects of our lives are not supposed to compete against each other because each is valid and necessary, and together, make us who we are.

The Cross - A Revelation

2009-10-14T17:49:00.002-04:00

In my car hangs a cross necklace over my rear view mirror that my brothers gave me. Seeing it there every time I am in my car is a reminds me that I am so thankful for Jesus. Recently I have also been wearing my cross necklace on a frequent basis. I’ve been thinking about the cross and all that Jesus did for me through this symbol I wear around my neck and proudly display in my car.

God took an opportune moment last week to speak to me about just this.You know that ‘twilight’ time that you have right before you wake up in the morning? That time where it seems like you’re already awake but you have yet to open your eyes? So this is when God decided to show me this conversation. I was both the person doing the talking, yet the person I was talking to also shared my name.

The event went a little like this:

I was at a grocery store and I notice that the teller ringing me through is wearing a cross necklace.

“Oh, you’re a Christian” I ask her.

“What?” she responds in a confused tone.

“You’ve got a cross around your neck. You must be a Christian.”

“Oh no, its just pretty and nice.” She tries to confirm me.

I look at her nametag and replied, “No Sheena, it wasn’t nice! It was nasty!”

She then looked at me as if I was an alien that landed from another planet.

So we’re doing all the stuff on the conveyor belt and I say, “Listen to me Sheena, just listen to me. If I had an earring here and you said, ‘What’s your earring?’ I said oh, that one there, that is a gas chamber. ‘No!’ Yeah, that one is a gas chamber. You said ‘Oh, why are you wearing a gas chamber on your ear?’ I said well I like to remember how millions of Jewish people died in the Second World War. And then you said to me, ‘What’s your other earring?’ That one there, oh it’s an electric chair. ‘No?!’ you say because you’re so shocked. Yeah, an electric chair. You would say ‘well why is it you have an electric chair earring?’ And I said well I like to remember how certain criminals in the United States were executed for their crimes.

I said, Sheena, what would you think of me if I walked around with an electric chair earring and a gas chamber earring?”

She said, ‘Well I’d think you’d absolutely lost it, and you’ve absolutely gone mad.’

I said, “Sheena, is that because they are symbols of execution?”

She goes, “Yeah, that’s why.”

I said, “So Sheena, what do you think you’re wearing around your neck?”

There was this long pause. It was amazing because in a giant supermarket, it was as if the sound stopped and you could actually feel the pregnant pause.

“Sheena, you’ve got to remember this. Jesus didn’t wear it around his neck; he wore it on his back. Big difference.” I said as I broke the silence.

“See, so many people wear it as jewelry. You can’t wear it as jewelry. This doesn’t mean it is wrong to wear it around your neck but you cannot wear it as jewelry. The symbol of Christianity is a symbol of death. It is death that purchased you and me forgiveness from the cross.”

Then I woke up. It has taken me a while to completely understand the entire complexity of this conversation, but I know that God was confirming in me the seriousness of what Jesus did on the cross. It’s not a something I adorn myself with because it ‘looks nice’, rather it is an understanding that as I wear the cross around my neck, I am reminded of the death of Jesus and the very reason I am where I am today. Now when I go into my car I am in awe of all that Jesus did for me and cannot help but thank him over and over for his own death on the cross. Whenever I look into the mirror and see the cross around my neck, I am taken aback by the deliberate and meaningful sacrifice that Jesus made for me. Now that is big.

If you were the sky

2009-10-04T13:55:00.000-04:00

If you were a lesson
I would learn through you
If you were a lane
I would merge to you

If you were a bed
I would dream on you
If you were a twitter
I would follow you

If you were a race
I would run for you
Walk for you
Crawl for you
Whatever you
Want me to

If you were a song
I would repeat you
If you were the sky
I’d look up at you

If you were a movie
I would star in you
If you were a shopping mall
Id buy everything from you

If you were a light
I would stop for you
Wait for you
Go for you
Whatever you
Want me to

If you were a game
I would win at you
If you were a star
I would shine with you

If you were the ice
I would skate on you
If you were a plant
I would water you

If you were a writer
I would read through you
Laugh through you
Cry through you
Whatever you
Want me to

But because you are a man
I will need you
Want you
Love you
Whatever you
Want me to.

Flour: Head to Toe

2009-10-02T10:11:00.004-04:00

I love to bake. I seem to enter into this secret world when I am in the kitchen attempting a new recipe where I feel so much joy and excitement. Like literally, I feel like I am at the top of my game and no one can strike me down... kind of like a superhero. Okay, maybe that analogy is a bit of a far stretch. I love seeing a recipe, following directions, and coming up with a stunning result. Baking is an art. As much as there are steps to follow, I can still become creative as I allow my hands to mold dough, shape batter and drizzle chocolate.

When I was baking the other day, I was again reminded of the patience required to bake. Recipe: Chocolate Vanilla Triangles. This is how the first batch came out of the oven.

Not looking much like triangles now do they? The first peek into the oven and I knew that they were a flop. Literally. The triangles turned into circles and I was saddened. It didn't last long however as I was confident in my skills as a baker and knew that the chocolate mixture required thickening as it was too loose of a batter. Out came the flour and I mixed it together and put the mixture in the freezer to set. Again I went at the next batch, carefully cutting out my circles from the vanilla dough and forming them into triangles with the brownie-like batter in the center. As seen below, they all still didn't seem to co-operate in the oven.

Aaha! I knew exactly what needed to be done. I was determined to get the little chocolate vanilla triangles to look like triangles and be edible at the same time. I needed to add some consistency to the vanilla dough this time so that when I was rolling it out with my rolling pin, it wouldn't stick to my table and become frustrating to play with. Now, most people would just add flour, like I did to the chocolate mixture. I knew that this was not the case and instead, I needed to combine flour with icing sugar in order to not allow the dough to get too tough. I didn't want to compromise the taste for the looks. Apparently I compromised my own looks though as my black shirt and dark jeans ended up covered head to toe in flour. I laughed and continued to go about baking in the state of such joy and excitement.

Four hours later, and all of the baking and clean-up was done! Now, I just had to step outside and dust myself of the white flour film that covered every morsel of my body. I left so satisfied of the end results and know that there is such delight in every single bite taken of these little triangles. Some may ponder why on earth someone would take four hours to bake a bunch of little cookies, but for me there is such excitement in the process. Then, when my room mates try them and are so delighted at the combination of flavors exploding in their mouths... it becomes even that much more worth it.

Patience and experience played a key role in the success of this recipe. I have always been a patient person but this recipe proved to test just that. I was so pleased with my initial reaction when the first batch was a flop. I could have easily given up, but I choose instead to think of a solution and I was confident that it would be a success. All of the time spent in the kitchen alongside my mum benefited me greatly when baking these. She was a very talented baker and had all of the tricks of the trade. I caught on to many of them but the rest will be a journey. A journey I am willing to embark on as I just love the art of baking.

Lady Wisdom

2009-08-14T19:13:00.001-04:00

“You’re blessed when you meet Lady Wisdom,

when you make friends with Madame Insight.

She’s worth far more than money in the bank;

her friendship is better than a big salary.

Her value far exceeds all the trappings of wealth;

nothing you could wish for holds a candle to her.

With one hand she gives long life,

with the other she confers recognition.

Her manner is beautiful,

her life wonderfully complete.

She’s the very Tree of Life to those who embrace her.

Hold her tight – and be blessed!”

- Proverbs 3:13-18 (The Message)

Hope

2009-07-29T16:48:00.002-04:00

In the last few weeks, I myself have been asking and questioning God as to what good fruit has surfaced as a result of all of the hard times in my life. I know that God works all things together for my good and will use these things to produce even greater things in my life and in the lives of others.

Over the last few weeks God has been speaking to me a lot about hope. Cell last night covered the topic of Teaching vs. Training. For me, it's easy to learn about what God teaches me through suffering, but to then turn that around and find the hope that lies within these challenging times just clicked in my head and made so much sense.

Nevertheless, the assertion was this – that the only things you really, really know about God – the things that have become convictions in your spirit – are the things you have learned through times of suffering. Everything else is just theory.

Perhaps even more than some facets of our spiritual life, our understanding of hope is certainly forged in the fire. And sometimes, in the cold. When it doesn’t seem like anything is happening. When it seems, in fact, like the last of the embers have gone out.

It’s in both these kinds of trials that God teaches me a lot about hope. Not a wistful, Pollyanna kind of hope, but a gutsy, eyes-wide-open, planted-in-faith, battle-ready kind of hope.

A hope that’s rooted in the unshakable fact that we have a good God who never ever lets us go.

Research, Ideas and Notes, oh my!

2009-07-27T13:03:00.002-04:00

(chanted to the "lions and tigers and bears, oh my!" cadence from The Wizard of Oz)

So I've decided to write a book. This hasn't been a quick and brief decision (You may remember this post from November 2008) rather a drawn out and elongated one... and I've finally realized that I do want to do this and that I will actually be good at doing so.

I subscribe to an email list called The Daily Om, little essays on spirituality and growth, basically. Sometimes they're silly, sometimes they're insightful--and once in a while, one makes me say, "Oh, yeah."

I've been in a season of transition for quite some time now and come September, it will be yet another journey of finding a new job and pursuing my dreams. I ask God for vision and insight into what this next season will look like and time and time again I hear from God that I should write a book. I kindly thank Him for this advice and keep the sweet promises of whats to come tucked away in my journal for 'later'. I've had little motivation to write lately (as you can tell by my lack of blog posts lately) and now, am finally turning back to it. It didn't make sense. Being in this season of transition, shouldn't I be excited to dive into something new, something I am good at? I think today's 'Daily Om' piece offers a little insight.

Permission To Simply Be
Working Through Transitions
The elation we feel when we have learned an important lesson, achieved a goal, or had a big breakthrough can sometimes be met with a period of downtime afterward. During this period of transition, we may feel unsure and not know where to turn next. Many people, during the pause between achievements, begin to wonder what their life is about. These feelings are common and strike everyone from time to time. Human beings are active creatures—we feel best when we are working on a project or vigorously pursuing a goal. But there is nothing inherently wrong with spending a day, a week, or even a month simply existing and not having a plan. Just be. It won’t be long before you embark upon your next voyage of growth and discovery.

The quiet lull into we which we fall between ideas, projects, and goals can make life seem empty. After accomplishing one objective, you may want to move immediately on to the next. However, when your next step is unclear, you may feel frustrated, disconnected, or even a mild depression. You may even perceive your lack of forward momentum as an indicator of imminent stagnation. To calm these distressing thoughts, try to accept that if your intent is personal growth, you will continue to grow as an individual whether striving for a specific objective or not. Spending time immersed in life’s rigors and pleasures can be a cathartic experience that gives you the time you need to think about what you have recently gone through and leisurely contemplate what you wish to do next. You may also find that in simply being and going through the motions of everyday life, you reconnect with your priorities in a very organic, unforced way.

The mindful transitional pause can take many forms. For some, it can be a period of reflection that helps them understand how their life has unfolded. For others, it can be a period of adjustment, where new values based on recent changes are integrated into daily life. Just because you’re not headed swiftly to a final destination doesn’t mean you should assume that you have lost your drive. The stage between journeys can become a wonderful period of relaxation that prepares you for the path that will soon be revealed to you.

For me, I have been really busy recently with the move, working, and family obligations. Since Susan and Kevin's wedding on Saturday, I have done a lot of relaxing and God has been speaking to me about the next season of my life in little bits. Writing is a big part of it.

So today I have begun researching, jotting down new ideas, looking at my old journals for ideas and insight from the past and have been writing and writing and writing. Deep inside my very being I am elated and so expectant for this next season.

Stay Tuned!

Hold Fast Your Dreams

2009-07-21T01:32:00.000-04:00

“Hold fast your dreams!

Within your heart

Keep one still, secret spot

Where dreams may go,

And, sheltered so,

May thrive and grow

Where doubt and fear are not.

O keep a place apart,

Within your heart,

For little dreams to go!”
- Louise Driscoll

Here and Now

2009-05-11T09:03:00.004-04:00

This is a post by Joel Houston from www.i-heart.org I felt the need to share it because it spoke so deeply to me and I am positive it will speak volumes to others as well.

"I’m convinced.
The cross is written across everything.
Fighting for our attention.
Disturbing us from the temporary.
Revealing what is eternal.
The unshakeable kingdom;

Faith.
Hope.
Love.

Is our Faith in circumstance. Or God’s word.
Is our Hope in the here and now. Or in the Cross.
Is our Love for consumption. Or for others.

The cross.
Written across all things.
Calling us toward the one thing.
Once you’ve seen it.
You’ll see it in everything.
And everything will change.
Love.

+jth"

On Belief

2009-03-09T10:37:00.002-04:00

I'm reading Donald Miller's "Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality" and I cannot seem to but the book down!

I feel to share this part with you on what Miller titles 'Belief: The Birth of Cool':

My most recent faith struggle is not one of intellect. I don't really do that anymore. Sooner or later you just figure out there are some guys who don't believe in God and they can prove He doesn't exist, and some other guys who do believe in God and they can prove He does exist, and the argument stopped being about God a long time ago and now it's about who is smarter, and honestly I don't care.

Secrets

2009-02-27T10:43:00.004-05:00

Then he drove it home by saying, "This isn't pie in the sky by and by. Some of you who are standing here are going to see it happen, see the kingdom of God arrive in full force." In a Light-Radiant Cloud six days later, three of them did see it. Jesus took Peter, James, and John and led them up a high mountain. His appearance changed from the inside out, right before their eyes. His clothes shimmered, glistening white, whiter than any bleach could make them. Elijah, along with Moses, came into view, in deep conversation with Jesus. Peter interrupted, "Rabbi, this is a great moment! Let's build three memorials - one for you, one for Moses, one for Elijah." He blurted this out without thinking, stunned as they all were by what they were seeing. Just then a light-radiant cloud enveloped them, and from deep in the cloud, a voice: "This is my Son, marked by my love. Listen to him." The minute the disciples were looking around, rubbing their eyes, seeing nothing but Jesus, only Jesus. Coming down the mountain, Jesus swore them to secrecy. "Don't tell a soul what you saw. After the Son of Man rises from the dead, you're free to talk." They puzzled over that, wondering what on earth "rising from the dead" meant. Meanwhile they were asking, "Why do the religion scholars say that Elijah has to come first?" Jesus replied, "Elijah does come first and get everything ready for the coming of the Son of Man. They treated this Elijah like dirt, much like they will treat the Son of Man, who will, according to Scripture, suffer terribly and be kicked around contemptibly." Mark 9:1-13

God has been speaking to me lately about secrets. I believe that secrets are interesting. I always hated secrets as a kid because I was always the one feeling like I was at the brunt end of a joke. It always seemed fine though when it was the other way around until I told a 'friend' something out of trust that they will not tell someone else and somehow it gets out. Suddenly everyone knew. I was left feeling betrayed, hurt and embarrassed because I knew that I was wrong for telling the secret in the first place. Then there are always the secrets that I kept from my friends out of fear of being rejected, abandoned, and laughed at again at recess. Things I never ever told people about me because I knew I wouldn't be accepted.

I feel like I have learned a lot about secrets in my life. The bad kind, the 'good' kind, and the kind that I didn't want anyone to know about. Did it eat away at me? Of course it did. Whether I knew it at the time or not, these secrets ate away at me from the inside out... leaving me feeling so hollow and fragile.

I eventually came to the conclusion that I hated secrets. Absolutely. 100%. When I heard the word 'secret' I would cringe. Why? Because all of the feelings and emotions that I'd had when I was in the middle of a secret would creep back into my heart. There was a point when I felt as if I was literally going insane trying to keep my secret straight between everyone I had to lie in order to keep it covered up. It was a different lie to a different group of people. It literally began eating away at my insides where I would eventually feel physically sick to my stomach. There are the kind of secrets that began to eat away at my soul. I felt like I was decaying with the untold.

Since this time, God has done an amazing work in me. It's been a process, but the bottom line is this: I had to ask God for forgiveness for what I'd done and then have a personal revelation of what it actually meant to be forgiven. In doing that, God took away my shame (which is how I can so openly talk about these things that God has not only forgiven me of but also physically healed me of. Why? Becuase God is love. What else would I expect from Him other than open arms saying, "I forgive you, Daughter. Go and sin no more." And the feeling of love that rushed over me was beyond any sort of comparison.

After that, I still continued to say that I hated secrets. Which was good because I was being honest with the true feelings in my heart and seemed like it was the only way I knew how to describe that I would never allow anything like it to happen in my life again. Ever. By declaring that I hated secrets was like sealing the deal on my shame and on my pride. With God's help, I would never keep another secret from anyone - I would begin to lead a transparent life.

Now, this isn't to say that if someone shared a secret with me I would go and tell the world. That is a different story. But you'd better believe that if it was something that I felt was damaging to anyone involved, I would sit down with them and try to guide them into doing the right thing.

Right now I'm talking about self-secrets; the thoughts in your head (see posted photos found on www.postsecret.com), things that you've always believed about yourself that you felt shame if you were to tell someone about it. These secrets come from the heart. God's been showing me that these secrets are no more than lies from the enemy. If we don't open up about them, if we don't strive to lead a transparent life, the enemy has you right where he wants you. We become bound to shame, bound to guilt, bound to self-hate... the list goes on. God wants to take all of these lies and mend them, heal them and use them to His own glory.

Alright, let me get back on track.

All of this to say that God spoke to me recently when I asked Him about the desires of His heart for me. He surprised me and said "Guess what, the desires of My heart...? There are some secrets I want you to keep..." When you have a secret of love with the Creator, there is nothing more satisfying than knowing that it is a little moment of heaven between you and the Lord.

In the scripture above, it talks about how Jesus even made his disciples swear to secrecy about the things they had seen that day until the day arrived that they'd be free to talk about it. And I mean what they'd seen was pretty spectacular. In my head I picture Peter, James, John, and Jesus jumping up and down with excitement, laughing joyously about what they'd seen and experienced. When it comes to secrets that God tells me I love to get excited but it doesn't mean that I disobey what God says and tell the world what He has shared with me. I am now learning that it is okay to have good secrets with God. When I honor the things I know God is sharing with me I know it is building trust, it's building character and it's building my own faith to hear that God's heart for me in coming into maturation. Right now it is so satisfying as I know that these are all things that God wants me to have.

Lent

2009-02-24T16:40:00.003-05:00

Coming from a Catholic background and upbringing, I have always observed Lent. From what I have learned (and I'm sure there are some of you reading who are much more educated on the subject, so feel free to add/interject), the word 'Lent' comes from the Anglo-Saxon word lengten, which means spring. It is a season of pruning, of giving and of giving up, of reflection, penitence, simplicity, and growth - a season leading up to the celebration of Christ's resurrection.

Now as a born again believer for under 2 years and looking back at my involvement with Lenten practices, I'm not sure how I feel about it. I can easily scoff at the practices of Lent and believe that now as a person in relationship with Christ I don't need to involve myself with these religious practices. Today, I feel more confused than anything else.

I now completely believe and view Christianity as a 'relationship NOT a religion', and still believe that the Catholics do get caught up in rituals and observances. I know that I definitely missed the point of Christianity because of all of this 'extra stuff'. It's only now that I am beginning to question that perhaps there is more to the Catholic practices than I was allowing myself to see. I mean, it's not all bad... I was just frustrated of feeling like God couldn't talk to me and was sick of the one-way relationship and having to talk to my priest in order to communicate with God. I felt like all I was doing was working hard and performing a 'works-based' lifestyle to be a good person for God.

Okay... enough of the rant.

I think, for many Catholics, the religious traditions and practices are just hoops to jump through. Now, I'm wondering if that isn't the case of ALL churches and religions. They ALL have practices (some more formal than others) that 'bring them closer to God'. And those practices become the focal point rather than the vehicle. In one of my church experiences the worship (rock music) and message (on a video screen) became the focal point. There are many ways of going about worshiping God but I completely believe that we have to have the foundational beliefs concrete. It doesn't matter if church is held in a pool changing room or a million dollar facility, when the foundational beliefs are concrete, God will still show up.

The persistent question for me is, how can I do these things without the point being about doing them? I heard time and time again in the School of Ministry that we are called to be human BEings and not human DOings. This is something that has stuck with me and I want to continue to live as a daughter and not worry about what I am going to give up in order to prove to God that I am honouring the Lenten season leading up to and including Easter.

But still, I see something in the practice of Lent.

The last couple years I have not done any sort of fast or really acknowledgement of my previous Lent practices. I've given up chocolate, candy, meat on Fridays, meat in general, my bike (it was a big deal!) for 40 days. I've tried to lose weight, clean up personal habits (my favourite was was the girls in High School would give up the F word) but in the end, I'm not really sure if I took that time to really thank God for the things I do have instead of the materialistic things that society puts value in. I now reflect upon these times and contemplate the motives behind Lent and how I can observe it in a more meaningful way this year. If I decide to participate in Lent this year, I want to give up something meaningful to possibly open my eyes to a new understanding of Lent. I need to decide soon though because after all, Ash Wednesday (the beginning of Lent) is tomorrow.

Here are some things that I can remember about my practice of the Lenten season:

-It always seemed to be a dreary time of the year. Maybe it was just me and the personal stuff that went on at home but there seemed to be much more to it than that, and I have trouble putting it into words. There just seeemed to be this heaviness... this somberness... sort of down cast. Like I said I don't know how to explain it.

-I went to a Catholic school (minus grade 6 through 8), so a couple times a week during regular time of the year, we'd have mass. During Lent, we'd do the 'stations of the cross'. That was an experience that drove home to you the trial, pain and suffering of Jesus during his death. Each station was also intertwined with current stories of pain and suffering. I know, seems kind of horrifying to subject elementary age kids to that and I'm sure it had a lot to do with the feelings of Lent. A lot of kids would goof around during that time and I would try to not sit near them. Kind of felt like goofing around at Grandma's house, you know?

- The Church would also do its best to make a somber presentation. Things like no flowers when there usually was, covering up the huge cross in the front with a drape, lots of dark purples and other dark colors.

- As far as fasting we did not ear meat on Fridays in addition to the thing(s) that we gave up for the 40 days of Lent. It wasn't a time of fasting where we tried to get God to do anything rather were reminded of the season we were in - Lent - and the days leading up to the Ultimate sacrifice of God's own son. I think the key is, it was more of a mourning or rememberance than anything else. In more recent times when I've fasted it has always been to 'get an answer from God'. I'm not really sure if I like myself for the motives behind these kinds of fasts but regardless, I have always received revelation and God has shown Himself to me in new ways.

I find writing this today to be rather enlightening for me. I think there was a lot more significance to that time of Lent as a child and teenager than I have attempted to give it credit for.

I guess I am wondering if there is something in that that I need to recapture. I'm not sure how. I am open to exploring this more as a Post-Catholic, Post-Evangelical, Post-Religion, Post-... Emergent Christian.

I'm curious to hear other thoughts about Lent. Past experiences (or lack thereof) are also welcomed.

Happy Valentine's Day

2009-02-14T11:39:00.002-05:00

Starbucks Cup Quote

2009-02-11T13:55:00.000-05:00

The way I see it #297

"When I was young I was misled by flash cards into believing that xylophones and zebras were much more common."
Amy-Elyse Neer - Starbucks Customer

I had a laugh out loud moment in Starbucks this afternoon when I read this because there is such deep truth in those words! Thanks Amy-Elyse... you made my day that little bit brighter!!

Carrying the Spirit of Christ

2009-02-11T11:51:00.004-05:00

You'll remember, friends, that when I first came to you to let you in on God's master stroke, I didn't try to impress you with polished speeches and the latest philosophy. I deliberately kept it plain and simple: first Jesus who he is; then Jesus and what he did - Jesus crucified.

I was unsure of how to go about this, and felt totally inadequate - I was scared to death, if you want the truth of it - and so nothing I said could have impressed you or anyone else. But the message came through anyway. God's Spirit and God's power did it, which made it clear that your life of faith is a response to God's power, not to some fancy mental or emotional footwork by me or anyone else.

We, of course, have plenty of wisdom to pass on to you once you get your feet on firm spiritual ground, but it's not popular wisdom, the fashionable wisdom of high-priced experts that will be out-of-date in a year or so. God's wisdom is something mysterious that goes deep into the interior of his purposes. You don't find it lying around on the surface. It's not the latest message, but more like the oldest - what God determined as the way to bring out his best in us, long before we ever arrived on the scene. The experts of our day haven't a clue about what this eternal plan is. If they had, they wouldn't have killed the Master of the God-designed life on a cross. That's why we have this Scripture text: No one's ever seen or heard anything like this, Never so much as imagined anything quite like it - What God has arranged for those who love him. But you've seen and heard it because God by his Spirit has brought it all out into the open before you.

The Spirit, not content to flit around on the surface, dives into the depths of God, and brings out what God planned all along. Who ever knows what you're thinking and planing except yourself? The same with God - except that he not only knows what he's thinking, but he lets us in on it. God offers a full report on the gifts of life and salvation that he is giving us. We don't have to rely on the world's guesses and opinions. We didn't learn this by reading books or going to school; we learned it from God, who taught us person-to-person through Jesus, and we're passing it on to you in the same firsthand, personal way.

The unspiritual self, just as it is by nature, can't receive the gifts of God's Spirit. There's no capacity for them. They seem like so much silliness. Spirit can be known only by spirit - God's Spirit and out spirits in open communion. Spiritually alive, we have access to everything God's Spirit is doing, and can't be judged by unspiritual critics. Isaiah's Question, "Is there anyone around who knows God's Spirit, anyone who knows what he is doing?" has been answered: Christ knows, and we have Christ's Spirit.

1 Corinthians 2 - The Message

Wow... there is just so much in that chapter of 1 Corinthians that I could talk about. So much revelation. I've been debating in my head just a little about what made my timing of the understanding of God's plan for me any different this time as opposed to the last time I've received similar revelation about living with Christ's Spirit in me. I just... get it! But what was it exactly that kept me from not getting it before to understanding it now? Well, according to this scripture, it has a lot to do with the Spirit of God moving in and through us.

Sure, I'll be the first to admit that before, I didn't want to give up EVERYTHING to Jesus. There was a lot that I was holding back as it served as such a comfort to me and something I could use to hold against people and the hurt that it caused my heart. I was going to do things my own way because that is just what I was always used to doing. Bottom line, I didn't have faith that God would come through for me in those areas so I was needing to go out and fulfill it myself. But if Faith really is our sixth sense, God has given it to me supernaturally and I can now always count on God coming through to me in some areas and trusting him with EVERY aspect of my life.

There are still some things I find it difficult to give complete control to God, but now that I have, my faith is increasing bit by bit as God just continues to blast me with how faithful he is in return when I put my complete faith in Him. The enemy has tried time and time again to bring doubt in my head and have me second guessing God being able to come through, but like I talked about at last nights cell, God knows the desires of my heart and when it comes to seeing them come into maturation, the enemy is so good at allowing us to even fear our own desires. God however calls us higher and stretches out his hand to have us hold onto during these times.

God is really showing me that I am in the place where I'm at spiritually, emotionally and even physically right now because this is exactly where he has called me to be. He is doing a whole number on my emotions right now, constantly switching around my identity so that is continues to be reflected in Him and not of the things of this world. There are many unknowns in my own life right now, and many paths I can walk down, but it is a journey to figure out what path is the right one for me to intertwine the desires of my heart with the plan that God has for me.

But none of this is possible without God's love. Without the faith that he gives us. Without his Spirit that he's given to us, we just have to call out to him and ask for it. It was nothing physical said that has changed my heart to where I now suddenly understand the meaning of the cross and redemption and his love; rather it is God's tender words speaking softly to my own heart. It is his Spirit, moving through me and seeking me out to open up my spiritual eyes, and because I've opened my eyes and ears to seeing and hearing Him, I'm able to receive what He shows me and gives to me.

Daddy God,

You are so amazing! You blow me away every single day! I thank you for your Spirit that dwells in me and that you have blessed me with. The only reason I understand anything about you is because of the Spirit you've placed inside of me, and yet still, you are so vast that I don't even begin to pretend to knowing and understanding everything. You never change! Nothing is too big for you. I love you and thank you for choosing me to carry out your plans. What a bigger person I am in you that I would ever be on my own. I do everything out of love for you. My love for you is so grand that I can't even put it into puny English dictionary words. How much greater, then - is your love for me? I stand amazed over and over by you Daddy God! I need you. Always.

Explaining God

2009-02-06T19:08:00.002-05:00

I always love to be reminded of how important it is to have child-like faith, and this story did just that!

When an 8 year old boy was given a homework assignment to 'Explain God' this is what he wrote!

"One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grown-ups, just babies. I think that's because they are smaller and easier to make. That way he doesn't have to take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.

God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times besides bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because He hears everything there must be a terrible lot of noise in His ears, unless He has thought of a way to turn it off.

God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting His time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.

Athiests are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church.

Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of Him preaching to them and they crucified Him. But He was good and kind like His Father and He told His Father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said OK.

His Dad (God) appreciated everything that He had done and all His hard work on earth so He told Him He didn't have to go out on the road anymore - He could stay in heaven. So He did.

And now He helps His Dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones He can take care of himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important. You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to hear you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time.

You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God. Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong! And, besides, the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.

If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared in the dark or when you can't swim very good and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids.

But you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and He can take me back anytime He pleases.

And that's why I believe in God."

"As an athiest, I truly believe Africa needs God"

2009-02-06T10:23:00.002-05:00

I found this article through James Macpherson's blog and after reading it, I'm blown away! It talks about the importance of Christian missionaries in Africa from an athiest's perspective.

Now a confirmed athiest, I've become convinced of the enormous contribution that Christian evangelism makes in Africa: sharply distinct from the work of secular NGOs, government projects and international aid efforts. These alone will not do. Education and training alone will not do. In Africa Christianity changes people's hearts. It brings a spiritual transformation. The rebirth is real. The change is good.

I find his observations very encouraging in knowing that God has come through and proved His existence to a non-believer. It was also really thrilling to hear the author talk about the 'proof' that a relationship with God/Jesus makes a difference - something I have known myself since becoming a Christian.

Christianity, post-Reformation and post-Luther, with its teaching of a direct, personal, two-way link between the individual and God, unmediated by the collective, and unsubordinate to any other human being, smashes straight through the philosophical/spiritual framework I've just described. It offers something to hold on to to those anxious to cast off a crushing tribal groupthink. This is why and how it liberates.

What an incredible read!!

Thankfully Ungrateful

2009-02-05T11:09:00.002-05:00

Do you think that there is a word that exists to describe when you are a true blend of opposing emotions? I guess thats just like being conflicted or something. I find myself at one of these points in my life. There are so many things I am so thankful for, yet so many things I am frustrated over.

Perhaps this is how everyone actually feels. Perhaps this is how we are supposed to feel. We need to be content enough to enjoy the things in life that are good - but find the rest of life frustrating enough that we get off our butts and do something. Or maybe I am wrong.

Or maybe I only wish that the frustrating things had an answer, a solution, a quick but permanent fix. That all the running around, the fussing, the emotions were not in vain. Many of life's great problems don't have these easy answers and it's usually through pain and mistakes that we find the answers.

I really just don't want to fall into the trap of not being thankful for the things that God has blessed my life with. Amazing friends, my adorable brothers, a new MacBook, a real encounter of God's love every single day... I could go on! I want to consider myself a person who is at peace with everything in life, despite what the enemy tries to push in our path to bring conflict and strife into our lives. I crave that peace in my life and I have given up many things and will continue to in order to life a life where opposing emotions don't take over my life.

A Fresh Start

2009-02-02T19:56:00.003-05:00

I love new beginnings. They bring hope and excitement, a chance to try something new, an opportunity to do better, and usually with a new beginning comes a new energy and a new vision. I have the opportunity to look at this new season of my life in this way. I received a brand new MacBook today (my FIRST... eek!) and it too is a representation of this blank slate and new start that is ahead of me. As I move from School of Ministry to 'the real world' I have to admit that it has been a bit challenging... and yet only 4 days! But... I am determined. I am determined to see this new season of my life as a fresh start. Like me and my new Mac, I have a clear vision and lots of potential... I just have to figure out how to use it for all it's capable of. I don't know what it will look like completely, but God sure does! In and amongst the plans that I have for myself, there is a thread in each one. Giving up my control.

Before School of Ministry, I would have considered myself a control freak. I could easily mask it with pretending I was a pretty "go with the flow" kind of person, but deep within I had my own plan and way of doing everything in life. I wrestled daily with wanting things done my way and on my own chosen time table. I expected WAY too much of myself and others. I thought that I knew what was best for me, but in reality, I had NO CLUE!

I set the agenda I had for myself down while at the school but because it is something I have battled with for 23 years, I know I will need to continue reminding myself that God has the control of my future. I know that it isn't going to be easy now that I have left the safe 'bubble' of the school but there will always be ups and downs that come with living a life like that. Some days will be harder than others, but I believe that with surrender comes peace... I want to live life more like this.

Am I scared? Sure thing I am! Giving up my control in all areas of my life has been like jumping off a cliff... a cliff that has an unknown landing. Will it be a hard one? A soft one? How far will the fall be? But, even though I am scared, I am so glad I no longer carry the weight of trying to hold it all together and have all of the answers. It just leads to so much unrequired tension in my own heart that has been removed and I never want back!

"Who really is in the drivers seat?"

I hope more often than not, I can honestly say,

"You, Oh Daddy God, You are!"

On Meeting God

2009-01-26T16:22:00.002-05:00

I grabbed this from Dustan Bell and thought I'd share as it brought many tears to my eyes. I hope you readers enjoy it as much as I did. Thanks Dustan!

I enjoyed this, written by Hardy Shaw in his shell-hole in the midst of the horrors of the Vietnam War:

Lord God, I have never spoken to You,
But now I want to say how do You do.
You see God, they told me You didn’t exist,
And like a fool I believed all this.
Last night from a shell hole I saw Your sky,
I figured right then, they had told me a lie.
Had I taken time to see the things You made,
I’d have known they weren’t calling a spade a spade.
I wonder, God, if You’ll take my hand,
Somehow I feel that You’ll understand.
Funny I had to come to this hellish place
Before I had time to see Your face.
Well, I guess there isn’t much more to say,
But I’m sure glad, God, I met you today.
I guess zero hour will soon be here
But I’m not afraid since I know You’re near.
The signal! Well, God, I’ll have to go
I like you lots, I want You to know.
Look now this will be a horrible fight,
Who knows I may come to Your house tonight.
Though I wasn’t friendly to You before,
I wonder God, if You’d wait at your door.
Look, I’m crying, I’m shedding tears,
I’ll have to go now God, goodbye.
Strange now that I’ve met You I’m not afraid to die.

Faith

2009-01-14T04:46:00.002-05:00

Let faith arise Lord in the deepest parts of my being. In the most broken parts of me Lord. Friends who have failed me let my faith arise. Loved ones have failed me, heros have failed me let my faith arise. I say no to the discouragement that keeps me down. I say no to the things that keep me back from you. And this broken heart that is broken in so many pieces inside of me by so many circumstances. I say no to just letting it stay that way. I'm learning to trust that its not you who hurt me. I'm learning to believe that its not you who deserted me. I'm believing that you still love me, broken and all. I'm believing that you've got a plan for me and you will restore me. I believe you'll awaken my soul and let faith arise. I'm believing like a little child again. I'm going to dance, laugh, and cry for the love I have inside for you. Bring joy to my heart again! You're the one who will never desert me. I dance with my feet and raise my hands to you because those things don't hurt me anymore. I'm trusting on your word and waiting on you. You fight for me and I am rejoicing in the fact that you said that you're my victorious warrior! You are in my life more than any person ever could be! I'm building a relationship with just me and you... just me and you! I'm building up my faith in you again. You're all I have and I want to know you so much more!

Tongues and Frozen Pumps

2008-12-28T00:37:00.003-05:00

"People do what they are told not to do. It happens time and time again. Here on the frozen tundra, it is known as the Tongue On The Frozen Pump Handle principle. If you put your tongue on a pump handle on a bitter cold winter day, the tongue will freeze to the handle and you will stand there, helpless, unable to cry out for help. Not that it would do much good - most pump handles these days are in remote rural areas. We've all been warned against doing this and yet we all know that eventually we will do it someday. Somewhere there is a pump handle waiting for me." - Garrison Keillor

There is something universal there for us, I think. While we should live full of faith and hope, with our eyes lifted and expectant of the good things that an only-good heavenly father holds for us, there is a piece of truth in the fact that 'somewhere, there is a pump handle waiting for me'. Yes, sooner or later, I am going to do something dumb. Again. And so are you.

Fortunately, if we are walking as much as possible with a heart of submission, and within the principles of the Kingdom, the fallout from most of our dumb moves will, one hopes, be not too devastating, and we can be hopefully be left with consequences no more serious than dented pride, from mistakes which are more foolishness than rebellion. But as they say, we are educated beyond the level of obedience. No matter how much good advice or timely warnings we receive - we will all encounter our very own pump handle sooner or later. A situation where we think we know better. The delusion that we are somehow exempt from the rules, whether they be of roads or relationships.

But none of this comes as a suprise to God. His chosen have been putting their tongue to the frozen pump handle since Abraham lied about Sarah being his wife, through to David killing Bathsheba's husband, and right through to Peter lying and getting busted by the rooster. But - the super-fantastic how-can-it-be true, fall-to-your-knees in gratitude news? God is prepared to forgive our rebelliousness, forget our stupid moves, and somehow bring fruitfulness out of our failings!

We are all going to do something dumb sooner or later. Wouldn't you rather be in relationship with a God who will come get you free from your pump handle?

A lesson on rejection and grace

2008-11-23T15:59:00.001-05:00

When showering this morning I grabbed for my shampoo and, for whatever reason, remembered a Head & Shoulders commercial from the my childhood. A good looking young man in a black tuxedo was at a fancy party and was doing really well trying to impress some girl until she looked at his shoulders, gasped at the "flaky white stuff," and rejected him!

She rejected him simply because of a few flakes of dandruff on his shoulders!

I think I was only like 10 years old but it’s these things that truly impact how we view ourselves and we realize that in society even something like dandruff can turn away someone from accepting you. Despite the gender swap, this commercial stuck in my head for a while I think I begged my mom to buy like a case of Head & Shoulders - and I didn't even know what "dandruff" was before I saw that commercial I just knew it wasn’t good!

Humans fear nothing more than rejection. (Okay, abuse is also really high on the list, and some of which I have also experienced in life, but for me, this too seems to be an extreme form of rejection.)

Regular people fear and strive to avoid rejection, especially from those we want to like us the most. So we suck in our stomachs, dye our hair, lie about our incomes and buy things that we can't even afford. We purchase new clothes every season; we give the impression of being nicer than we are or more successful or like we have it all-together or that we're more spiritual or intelligent than we really are (how we try to impress people all depends on who we're trying to impress and what impresses them at the time); we pretend to be holier, less depressed, or less lonely than we really are (you get the point by now). That's just the human junk we all carry. Yuck! I am so glad to be in a place where I can learn to deal with all this junk and live a life so much freer and the way God intended for me to.

Deep within we fear rejection. Yet this underscores how we were created for connection, relational acceptance, community; to experience love, commitment, and grace; and to walk closely with God and others in deep, authentic ways.

It's normal, since the fall, to fear rejection. But throw a bunch of rejection-fearing people into a "religious" club and give them a whole new list of laws and rules and merit points and demerit points and performance standards that are pretty much impossible to meet; then add to this the fear of judgment and eternal condemnation and the threat of heaven vs. hell and you've got a potent mix, a communal fear, a toxic brew for creating the people who are hypocrites and those you would never wish to meet.

Christians - the only people on the planet who might actually know the grace of God in Christ - oddly enough, can be the phoniest, most judgmental, hypocritical people of all. That baffles me. It makes me wonder sometimes if some of them really do trust Jesus for the grace of God to them, if they really do experience grace in a personal way. You know, a way that makes them smile, sing, forgive someone, or to just be kind to someone?

Of course, every Christian claims to understand God's grace and most of them who've been around the block can rehash the theological facts and standard faith-terminology that we've all read in our Bibles and theology books. But I'm talking about grace as a life-experience! Grace that is so real it transforms our hearts, and forever changes our understanding of God, and alters our self-understanding, and truly lifts and liberates us in Christ.

I think fear and control and pride are at the root of graclessness (or ungrace or whatever the opposite of grace is. Actually, the opposite of grace might be pride or selfishness or independence or self-sufficiency... pride.) The solution is in the Gospel. The antidote is Jesus Christ. The antidote is faith, repentance, maybe enough junk and pain and tears and being sick and tired of trying and faking and isolating and pretending. But the answer is Jesus, maybe Jesus plus a community that gets Jesus, which understands and practices grace. That might be good too.

Christians who are not part of a transformed, grace community; Christians who trust Jesus for heaven but still carry out their relationships in a rules-checking, grade-giving, freedom deprived, affirmation-depriving community can be the phoniest, most difficult to please, rejecting, non-maturing, self-adoring people of all. That's what I've heard from those who've suffered rejection at the hands of Christians, both those who are Christian and those who are not. This is not a criticism but a warning, a siren sound, a loving friend waking another friend up from a bad dream.

I don't want to be like that. I hate it. I don't want to be part of a community that is like that. I don't want to be part of anything that stands in contrast to the truth teaching and grace-relating ways of Jesus Christ.

Look through the gospels. How did Jesus communicate grace, scandalous grace, radical acceptance, undeserved forgiveness, unlikely friendship, and "why them?" partnership? Did He ever do this? If so to whom? How did Jesus reach out and engage with those who feared God's rejection and felt everyone else's rejection? What was Jesus' solution to rejection? What was His solution to sin? Was it a temporary band-aid or was it something eternal?

Jesus Christ wants us to trust Him and to be totally secure in God's grace, assured of God's eternal acceptance of us through Him. He wants us to trust Him for this and move on in our relationship with God confident in this, to move on, to mature, to become like Him in conveying grace to others. He wants us to be confident in God's love, no matter what, God's forgiveness no matter what, God's power. He puts all of this on Him, not on us: "I will never leave you or forsake you," that's His promise to people who sin and fear rejection and feel rejection.

As those who trust Jesus, we are to be as confident as Paul was, that "nothing can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus." These promises aren't tied to our being good or meriting acceptance or our perfect obedience to the Law or our determination to try harder to be a better person. These promises aren't tied to Law but to Grace, to Christ's promise that is by grace.

Rejection by God, for a Christian, in Christ? That's not an option. Trust Jesus for this.

I am so glad that God has talked to me so much about rejection and acceptance in His Kingdom this week, but also then applying it to real life situations in the natural and already beginning to reap the rewards of it!

Dream Dangerously

2008-11-20T17:56:00.001-05:00

All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible. - T.E. Lawrence

God, please help me to be a dangerous dreamer!

On Adverstiy

2008-11-10T07:25:00.000-05:00

Adversity is the diamond dust heaven polishes its jewels with.
– Robert Leighton

A Great Illustration

2008-11-09T13:00:00.000-05:00

To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade.
To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who missed the train.
To realize the value of ONE SECOND, ask a person who just avoided an accident.
To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics.

Treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time.

What does church mean to you?

2008-11-08T07:37:00.001-05:00

We recently had a week here at school on Church Planting and to be honest, I didn't truly get a lot out of the teachings. I did however sit down and think to myself what church really is to me and what it means to me in my life. After thinking about it, I believe the majority of church to me is about family. Coming from a family where my mom was one of twelve, I remember many Christmas or family reunions when I haven't seen many of my cousins, aunts and uncles in ages and then we're all of a sudden together again? I have many cousins who have had kids that I have never met. In all of this you spend the day getting to know each other again, reminiscing about the last time you met and where things are at now. You know the person, but don't really 'know' them and are eagerly wanting to get to know more of their character, their likes and dislikes etc. At one stage everyone is sad because there are some people who cannot make it. There may be some cousins you don't really want to see because they rubbed you up the wrong way last time, but now you dust it off and go and chat and play and beat each other up again ... Oh the good times!

This is what I want to see Church like. It doesn’t matter where you meet as long as everyone is there. ‘Church’ to me are the people. We are a family. We meet every week, sing together, listen together, pray together and chat together. We share what has happened during the week, reminisce about good times, share our dreams for the future, and encourage those who are struggling. We are a family.

These are several things I believe are the genetic make-up of a FAMILY.

F - Forgiveness
A - Acceptance
M - Mindful
I - Interested
L - Listen
Y - Yourself

Forgiveness: it doesn't matter how bad we are offended by someone, we always forgive them because we are related. Not just because we are related however but because we know that when we no longer carry that hurt around with us.
Acceptance: We put away where we come from, what we do for a living, and love each other for who we all are.
Mindful - No matter what happens, we are always aware of what is happening and taking into consideration where people are at, what situations they are dealing with and making sure to stick by their side in the good and bad times. Family is family and we always watch out for each other.
Interested: It is not just a 'How are you?' but a 'Really... How are you?' I want someone who is interested in me and doesn't just past me with a hi-bye type of attitude. We at times need to take a chill pill from the hustle and bustle of church life and really see how others are doing.
Listen: Again this is about not being self-centered and really paying attention to our brothers and sisters in Christ.
Yourself: This is a big one... so many of us put on a mask every Sunday and we hide who we really are, we don't want people to see that we are not 'perfect' and that sometimes we are hurt or get down. We need to be real with ourselves and accept all God created us to be.

The underlying thought for all of this is LOVE and it should be a given, it is what we are all seeking and it is what we should be giving. God IS love.

I pray as we think about these things that we consider... well I am a part of the church, am I doing these things? We can't change overnight but all it takes is one step at a time knowing that we aren't alone and have the grace of God.

A Letter From God

2008-11-07T08:57:00.002-05:00

I've been doing a lot of two-way journalling since coming to the School of Ministry and God has really been speaking to me lately through hearing his voice and giving me hope in a time when I feel so down! I love how encouraging God is and I thought I would share something I feel he spoke directly to my heart the other night... straight from my journal and I feel that such a promise has been made to me! I hope God truly speaks to you as well... I feel this is not just for me... enjoy!

Dear Beloved One,

I see your loneliness and fears, your guilt and frustrations. I see your endless search for love and fulfillment. All this must be, in order for you to come to the end of your own understanding - then you can hear my voice. Listen carefully amid the noise of the world and you will hear...
I love you, I shed my blood for you to make you clean. Give yourself completely to me. I created you to be just as you are, and you are LOVELY in my eyes. Do not criticize yourself or become depressed for not being perfect in your own eyes. This leads only to frustration.

I want you to trust me one step, one day, one second at a time. Dwell in my power and my love and be free, of yourself. Don't allow other people to control you or feel the need to control others. I will guide you, if you let me, but be aware of my presence in everything. I give you patience, love, joy and peace. Look to me for answers for I am your shepherd and will lead you. Follow me only! Do not ever forget this. Listen to me and I will tell you my will.

Let my love flow from you and spill over to all you touch. Don't be concerned with yourself - you are my responsibility. I will change you without you knowing it. You are to love yourself and love others, simply because I love you. Take your eyes off yourself, look only at me. I lead, I change, I create, but not when you are striving. You are mine .... let me have the joy of making you like Christ.

Your only command is to look to me and to me only.

Do not struggle, just relax in my love. I know what is best and will do it in you. Stop trying to become, and let me make you what I want.

My will is perfect: my love is sufficient, I will supply all your needs .... only look to me.

I love you!

Love,
Your Heavenly Daddy

God is counting on us!

2008-11-06T06:47:00.000-05:00

God is counting on us.

He has a destiny for our lives and our role in the expansion of the kingdom that depends on our obedience.There are a great many ways and directions in which your obedience may be required.

Perhaps in an area of your life, obedience can mean leaving:
Leaving a job
Leaving a relationship
Leaving security
Leaving old habits
Leaving the beaten path
Leaving your peers
Leaving behind the past

Sometimes, often, actually, obedience can mean staying:
Staying with a commitment
Staying in a relationship
Staying in study
Staying, even if you're alone
Staying the course when excitement seems elsewhere
Staying positive
Staying where God has planted you

To me, obedience is doing completely what God is calling you to do in the moment, with all that is in you to give, and without regard to your own plans for success.

Obedience, though, is not a tightrope walk. God’s plan is not for us to feel paralysed by a mentality of perfectionism which deceives us into thinking his plan for our lives is restrictive and excruciatingly exact.

Psalm 119 speaks of the expansiveness of a life of obedience, saying “I’ll stride freely through wide open spaces as I look for your truth and your wisdom”. Paul talks the same way of his experience with living in attentive obedience to God’s will, saying in Romans 8 “Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out in the open, into a spacious, free life.”And in case we were still in any doubt, it can’t be made more clear than in Proverbs 15:32 – “An undisciplined, self-willed life is puny; an obedient, God-willed life is spacious”

Obedience is not a ‘don’t dare put a foot wrong’ kind of life. Obedience is a life of ‘look at all the territory God has released me into’. To me, this is the joy and freedom of obedience.

Of course, there is a line. There is a boundary to obedience. You’re either living in obedience, or outside of it.

This boundary is a framework that governs our decision-making. The boundary of our obedience is truth. A life outside of obedience is governed by a false framework, a false truth – the seeming truths of our circumstance, our weaknesses, our reason, our own fallen nature. But these are unreliable ways to frame a life, and they will always convince us that our territory is in fact smaller than it is.

When we make decisions based on ourselves and our circumstances, we will not only live in disobedience, we will live small. A life of obedience, on the other hand, is defined by the boundary of the God’s word, God’s promises, God’s principles, and God’s character. When you live in obedience to the boundaries of God’s plan for your life, that’s when things get exciting. A framework of decision-making based on what God’s says you are capable of not only produces a life of obedience, but a life of significance.

If we choose disobedience, a life focused on ourselves, we will never, in any ultimate sense, be any more than mediocre. Forgettable. If we choose a life of obedience, we choose a life of expansion, of adventure, of hope, of significance. To me, obedience means to choose a life that is epic.

On Change

2008-11-05T18:22:00.001-05:00

Change can be hard. A new season can be hard. Especially a winter season. It takes courage to face new challenges head on; to know that things may get tougher in some areas before they get easier; but to nonetheless put your face to the wind and start running even faster.

But that is the beauty of God - he created a world and a people and a plan of seasons. And no matter how bitterly cold the winter gets, we can know without reservation that there is a spring ahead.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecc. 3:1-8

I can relax...

2008-11-04T20:08:00.001-05:00

"God is working in you to help you want to do and be able to do what pleases him" - Phillipians 2:13

As long as I'm letting him work, he's working it out.

I'd like my crayons back, please!

2008-11-03T21:43:00.001-05:00

Everyone is born creative; everyone is given a box of crayons in kindergarten. Then when you hit puberty they take the crayons away and replace them with books on algebra... yuck! Being suddenly hit years later with the creative bug is just a wee voice telling me, "I'd like my crayons back, please."

So I've got the itch to do something. I don't know where the itch came from, it's almost like it just arrived on my doorstep, uninvited. Until now I was quite happy with life, happy with where God has been leading me, being a regular person... until now.

I don't know if I'm any good or not, but I'd like to think I could be. The idea terrifies me. The problem is, even if I am good, I know very little about it. I know a friend who has a friend who used to do this kind of stuff... but I haven't talked to her for over two years... Besides, if I put all of this effort into it what will come of it? Is there really anything I will get out of this in the end? Do I really want an end product for the rest of the world to see? Something that will be put up for all to see and be placed in a spot of feeling so exposed, so vulnerable, so public with my experiences?

Hehe. It's wee voice asking for the crayons back. It's the outer voice, the adult voice, my boring & tedious voice trying to find a way to get the wee crayon voice to be quiet. My wee voice doesn't want me to write something and be exposed for all to see.

I just may go ahead and make something. Make something really special. Make something amazing that will really blow the mind of anybody who sees it. If I try to make something to just fit my uninformed view of some hypothetical market, I am setting myself up to fail. If I make something special and powerful and honest and true, I'll succeed.

The wee voice didn't show up because it decided to just make an appearance. This wee voice came back because my soul somehow depends on it. There's something I haven't said yet, something I haven't done, some light that needs to be switched on, and it needs to be taken care of. Now.

So I've decided to listen to the wee voice or it will die... taking a big chunk of me along with it.
They're only crayons. I didn't fear them in kindergarten, why should I fear them now?

Dependency

2008-10-30T19:48:00.001-04:00

God looks down, sees all of the independent people who for whatever reason think they don't need Him, but when He sees someone totally dependent, totally desiring His presence, totally feeling like they are incapable without Him, He can't help but swoop down, pour out His Spirit and be totally involved.

I don't know about you, but I love knowing that I'm happy to be totally, utterly and completely dependent on my God.

Wisdom

2008-10-30T08:45:00.001-04:00

Thanks to Reuben Skewes for this link.

This is so amazing... you'll ALL love it!

Wisdom Book

Enjoy!

God's hope for a hurting heart

2008-10-11T20:45:00.002-04:00

Scott is one you cherish but is now out of your physical sight.

Keep this precious soul always in your mind and always praise his spirited fight.

Never think for a moment his faith was in vain.

My arms were wrapped around him and helped him endure the pain.

While you enjoyed his wonderful laughter and caring heart,

Remember my precious ones, he is still living in laughter, only now he no longer has to dodge the enemy's darts.

You feel as if you have lost even part of your self.

Be at peace and know Scott is now enjoying Heavens beautiful wealth.

Be happy for my precious Scott who has now won the race.

Picture him in Heaven, basking in God's Glory upon his face.

Never look upon this passing with sadness of my precious son.

The Blessings are overwhelming as he walks hand in hand with My Son.

Keep your hearts and souls pure and without blemish.

Build up high your crowns which will be waiting for you when your walk here is finished.

Gather around you all those lives this precious soul has touched.

Help them to look to Heaven and know their Precious Savior loves them 'Oh so very much.'

Jesus' arms are wrapped around you and encompass you all.

His call to you is 'hold up those remaining and never let them fall.'

As your thoughts flow in remembrance of My precious son.

Delight in the Glory that is the prize for the battle won.

Written to bring God's hope to others during the loss of my dad.

Scott Livingston - 1957-2008

I'm bored!

2008-09-22T23:15:00.001-04:00

Below is supposedly an actual job application that this 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in California . They hired him because he was funny…..

NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment .
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

Quotes for today

2008-09-09T21:10:00.002-04:00

On Journey:
"The longest journey we can take is the 18 inch journey from the head to the heart."

On Bitterness:
"Bitterness is a poison pill we swallow thinking it will kill the other person."

Thoughts on Todd Bentley and Mike Guglielmucci

2008-08-21T12:43:00.003-04:00

This past week the Christian community has seen 2 major leaders have 'disappointing' and very unfortunate events happen in their lives creating problems in their Christian leadership. Its a known fact that when Christian leaders struggle, people get hurt.

I have to say though that when I first heard about Todd Bentley I was angry, and when I heard about Mike Guglielmucci, I was very disappointed and brought to tears. Tears for the people who have looked to these spiritual leaders for hope, reassurance of their faith and powerful miracles to happen in their own lives.

After talking to God about it I truly realised that the people who will be more hurt are those who have put more emphasis on the person God is working through rather than God who is doing the work through these people. So often we get caught up in the excitement of what God is doing and idolise the person like a Hollywood Christian celebrity instead of Praising God for the work he is doing. I'm just as at fault for putting these people to the forefront and ignoring the work God is doing in the 'background'. I have no doubt God has used these people to do great works, and a harvest has reaped because of them, but instead of praising Todd or Mike, we need to praise God for His great works.

Most people know that Todd Bentley has been having problems with his wife and ultimately his marriage, but God is bigger than Todd and we have to understand that God will restore his marriage and continue using him as a mighty man of God while on Earth. When such a strong man of God is doing great things for the kingdom, the enemy tries so hard to find a persons weak spot and attack from the inside out. The enemy has NOT won in Todd Bentley's life! Similarly, it was released last night that Mike Guglielmucci (writer of the song 'Healer') has confessed that he lied about having cancer for 2 years. Just like Todd, we know that God is big enough to change Mike's mindset and will bring restoration to all of those affected by Mike's ministry at Planet Shakers and Edge City Church in Australia. As a church we must war together and fight with them, pray with them, and believe for miracles in their life during this period where they are both fighting the enemy in different areas of their lives.

Lets take this opportunity to ask God who we put at the forefront, and if its not God make a change in your own life and put God in the spotlight. Lets battle together for these amazing spiritual leaders, focusing on our Great God rather than the people that God is working through!

Mic Lead Rolling Ministry

2008-08-13T23:08:00.002-04:00

Since my return to Central I have been rolling mic leads after Sunday service!! I absolutely love it as I recruit people, create differentiated lessons and individual education plans for my 'students'. Its always fun!!

No matter what part we play in our local church, it all adds to making a difference and contributing to making God's house a better place to be!! Who knows, it could be part of my testimony one day... I can hear it:

"... and I say don't - DON'T - be one of those people who says 'No Lord I won't roll the mic leads because I have places to be... things to do'. Friends, look at me now... look at me now. Even *I* rolled mic leads!!!"

J. John on Child-like Humility

2008-08-11T12:25:00.003-04:00

I love reading J John's weekly e-mails, and I have found at times I eagerly anticipate their arrival to hear his brilliant wisdom. This weeks e-mail letter hit home with me as I am learning to be more child-like in my relationship with God. Enjoy.

Dear Friends,

One of the things that make children so much fun is their simple way of seeing the world. Their misunderstandings are often surprising and amusing.

One little girl went to see her doctor. The doctor looked in her ears and said, "Who’s in there? Donald Duck?"

She said, "No." He looked in her nose and said, "Who’s in there? Mickey Mouse?"

Again she said, "No." He put his stethoscope on her heart and said, "Who’s in there? Barney?"

She replied, "No, Jesus is in my heart. Barney is on my underwear."

Jesus said that there was something more to children than just their entertainment value. Jesus said that children are actually models of what it means to enter and grow in the kingdom of God. Jesus was not joking when He took a child and said that we have to become like that child before we can enter and grow up in God’s kingdom. In fact, Jesus puts it as simply and clearly as this: The key to spiritual life and growth is a child-like humility.

Ken Blanchard retells the story of a little girl named Schia. When Schia was 4 years old, her baby brother was born.

"Little Schia began to ask her parents to leave her alone with the new baby. They worried that, like most 4-year-olds, she might want to hit or shake him, so they said no." Over time, though, since Schia wasn’t showing signs of jealousy, they changed their minds and decided to let Schia have her private conference with the baby.

"Elated, Schia went into the baby’s room and shut the door, but it opened a crack--enough for her curious parents to peek in and listen. They saw little Schia walk quietly up to her baby brother, put her face close to his, and say, ’Baby, tell me what God feels like. I’m starting to forget.’"

Let's pray that we would always be child-like in our walk with God and not lose the joy and fun of being a child with a Father who is Heavenly and Eternal.

Thank you and Shalom,

J.JOHN

School of Ministry

2008-08-08T19:35:00.002-04:00

After much prayer and prophetic words by many people I applied to the School of Ministry back in April for the Fall 2008 (September) term. I had a clear word that I was going to be going to SOM and when the prolonged news about my acceptance was continuously delayed I begun to accept that perhaps September was not my time to go. God spoke to me about control (see last post) and I finally released everything into His hands. A few days after that I received news that a spot had opened up for me and I have been accepted. Many people have said that I will be going but I continued to deny it until I had heard for myself. I had to remain in the place of faith and recognise that God would come through for me. I knew deep down that it was a God idea so it must be a good idea! Once I stopped trying to figure everything out for myself, my biggest worry of being rejected was overcome when God confirmed the word I have heard for so long.

I am now excited to bits to begin a life changing 5 months in the school of ministry where I know I will be transformed and stretched to live a life of Godly principles.

Dealing with Control

2008-08-04T15:47:00.004-04:00

Lately I have truly come to the realisation that I am an ultimate control freak. I am the utmost planner of my life and the everyday plans that happen and spontaneity is not something that I deal with very well. God is working on me to deal with this immensely but I did not realise how much this was taking over my life.

When taking the concept of being a control freak to God I realised that this is presented in different ways - sometimes I can be a dictator, sometimes a micro-manager, and sometimes a detail freak - but also in the sense that I just like to do things myself and don't delegate things to anyone and if I do I need their approval. This has happened in a lot of different situations and I have recognised that this does not create a positive environment. God has revealed to me that by being a control freak this suffocates vision, stifles motivation and blocks real progress.

In the end I love having all of my ducks in a row so my SELF is comfortable in knowing with what is happening down the row. My comfort zone is being two steps ahead so there is something to look forward to. God told me that by doing this I am not allowing my faith flame to burn brighter. I am at a point in my life now where I don't have the extra two ducks in a row and have stepped out of the place where I am comfortable and I truly hate it. I don't like the feeling of the unknown but God has taught me that when you have faith in Him and you continue to trust in Him with all your heart instead of doubt Him; the plan He has for you will come to fruition.

It's easy to fall into the trap of doubt that God will not come through for you but in the end we know that "... He who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ... developing and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you." Phil 1:6 (Amp)

It's time we give that control back to God!

God is love...

2008-07-29T00:37:00.002-04:00

I love seeing the different ways God shows his love to us in the physical realm. For one, all you have to do is take a look up in the sky during sunrise or sunset and recognise that God is the master of all things beautiful. He loves us so much that He wants us to delight in everything that He creates. A sunset is such a spectacular thing and truly makes me sit in awe and amazement at how much detail God puts into each and every sunset and then sit back and realise that God put so much MORE effort into creating each and every human being. He knows our ways, the amount of hair on our head, and has a destiny and purpose planned out for ALL of us. That truly makes me love God so much more.

Then you take a look up in the sky during the day at the clouds and God so often shows us a physical sign of His love for us. There is no explanation or reason for clouds to form the shape of a heart, but God places them in the sky for us to gaze at in wonderment and awe as we delight in Him more and more. God is the ultimate lover and just loves to woo us with his great ways as we fall deeper in love with Him through these small acts of showing us how much He truly loves us. God already did the ultimate act of love - sending his son to die on the cross - yet He loves us so much that he even shows us in the sky...

The Vision by Pete Greig

2008-07-23T23:31:00.002-04:00

THE VISION
Pete Greig

So this guy comes up to me and says, "What's the vision? What's the big idea?" I open my mouth and words come out like this… The vision?

The vision is JESUS – obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus.

The vision is an army of young people.

You see bones? I see an army. And they are FREE from materialism.

They laugh at 9-5 little prisons. They could eat caviar on Monday and crusts on Tuesday. They wouldn't even notice. They know the meaning of the Matrix, the way the west was won. They are mobile like the wind, they belong to the nations. They need no passport.. People write their addresses in pencil and wonder at their strange existence. They are free yet they are slaves of the hurting and dirty and dying.

What is the vision ? The vision is holiness that hurts the eyes. It makes children laugh and adults angry. It gave up the game of minimum integrity long ago to reach for the stars. It scorns the good and strains for the best.

It is dangerously pure.

Light flickers from every secret motive, every private conversation. It loves people away from their suicide leaps, their Satan games. This is an army that will lay down its life for the cause. A million times a day its soldiers

choose to loose that they might one day win the great 'Well done' of faithful sons and daughters.

Such heroes are as radical on Monday morning as Sunday night. They don't need fame from names. Instead they grin quietly upwards and hear the crowds chanting again and again: "COME ON!"

And this is the sound of the underground. The whisper of history in the making. Foundations shaking. Revolutionaries dreaming once again. Mystery is scheming in whispers. Conspiracy is breathing… This is the sound of the underground.

And the army is discipl(in)ed.

Young people who beat their bodies into submission.

Every soldier would take a bullet for his comrade at arms. The tattoo on their back boasts "for me to live is Christ and to die is gain".

Sacrifice fuels the fire of victory in their upward eyes. Winners. Martyrs. Who can stop them ?

Can hormones hold them back? Can failure succeed? Can fear scare them or death kill them ?

And the generation prays

like a dying man with groans beyond talking, with warrior cries, sulphuric tears and with great barrow loads of laughter! Waiting. Watching: 24 – 7 – 365.

Whatever it takes they will give: Breaking the rules. Shaking mediocrity from its cosy little hide. Laying down their rights and their precious little wrongs, laughing at labels, fasting essentials. The advertisers cannot mould them. Hollywood cannot hold them. Peer-pressure is powerless to shake their resolve at late night parties before the cockerel cries.

They are incredibly cool, dangerously attractive

inside.

On the outside? They hardly care. They wear clothes like costumes to communicate and celebrate but never to hide. Would they surrender their image or their popularity? They would lay down their very lives - swap seats with the man on death row - guilty as hell. A throne for an electric chair.

With blood and sweat and many tears, with sleepless nights and fruitless days,

they pray as if it all depends on God and live as if it all depends on them.

Their DNA chooses JESUS. (He breathes out, they breathe in.) Their subconscious sings. They had a blood transfusion with Jesus. Their words make demons scream in shopping centres. Don't you hear them coming? Herald the weirdos! Summon the losers and the freaks. Here come the frightened and forgotten with fire in their eyes. They walk tall and trees applaud, skyscrapers bow, mountains are dwarfed by these children of another dimension. Their prayers summon the hounds of heaven and invoke the ancient dream of Eden.

And this vision will be. It will come to pass; it will come easily; it will come soon. How do I know? Because this is the longing of creation itself, the groaning of the Spirit, the very dream of God. My tomorrow is his today. My distant hope is his 3D. And my feeble, whispered, faithless prayer invokes a thunderous, resounding, bone-shaking great 'Amen!' from countless angels, from heroes of the faith, from Christ himself. And he is the original dreamer, the ultimate winner.

Guaranteed.

iAdvertise

2008-07-16T23:51:00.003-04:00

This is legendary.

Do you ever imagine how God spends His day? I do, but then I'm weird. I like to think He gets up early, shoots a round of Frisbee golf with David (the whole sling thing makes him pretty good), grabs breakfast at the Heaven Denny's with C.S. Lewis and then spends the rest of the day building waterslide parks for my eventual arrival. But apparently, I'm wrong.

Apparently God spends a good deal of His day writing billboards. Have you seen these? It's a campaign in the states they have called the "God billboard campaign". They're little messages attributed to God that say things like, "I miss how you used to talk to me when you were a kid" and "Don't make me come down there."I like them. I think it's good to step outside what we usually do and I love the God billboards compared to say the "Got Jesus" or "Got Destiny" milk-flavored billboards.

But because it's late and I am still jet lagged, I thought it might be fun to write our own versions so hopefully we can come up with some good ones.

Here are mine:

1. "Hell has saber-toothed tigers. I'm just saying." - God

2. "Yes, you do snore" - God

3. "It's 'all' not 'some' when it comes to loving people." - God

4. "I saw what you did. I see what you are doing. I know what you will do. And I love you." - God.

5. "I got name dropped 26 times at the last Grammy Awards, that's a new record." - God

6. "David committed adultery with Bathsheba, killed her husband, let a war start that killed tens of thousands out of sin and I forgave him. What was it you were worried about?" - God

7. "I will never give you the answer. I will always be the answer." - God

8. "Please pronounce the 't' in 'How Great is our God. It sounds like you're saying 'gray.'" - God

9. "Prince ain't got nothing on me. I invented sex." - God

Those are my few. I would love to see you post some.

Blessings

Home Sweet Home

2008-07-14T14:19:00.003-04:00

I have not been updating recently as a lot has been happening in the world of Sheena. Here is a brief overview:

Left Hamilton for the Sunshine Coast
Stayed at a seedy hostel in Mooloolaba and checked out 3 days later
Moved in with Tamara
Went Horseback Riding on Noosa North Shore
Helped with Vacation Care at Heroz
Checked into the most amazing Resort in a penthouse suite in Alex Heads
Had a farewell murder mystery party in the penthouse with all of my closest friends
Flew to Sydney
Tamara got sick :(
Attended the lifechanging Hillsong Conference with 30,000 people... I'll never be the same again
Tamara got better :)
Flew back to Canada after 30 hours of travelling

Cannot wait to catch up with everyone so soon!!

Blessings

Called to Die to Live

2008-07-03T03:14:00.003-04:00

There is something brewing in the air
I sense the winds of change, sweeping over me,
capturing my soul and and pulling me in the direction of a nod -
a land of wandering, nothingness, and lost dreams.

I see another law at work, a hand reaching,
ever so slowly towards me. What is that?
Can I trust the person reaching out to me?
Can I see, or touch the one who calls me?

By my name, to humble myself, to gather His strength,
I wanna say yes, without words to the one who made the world
Who are you? I don't know you by name, but you know me.
You've known me, since my mothers womb.

I want to know you too, see you, feel you.
How can I be where you are? You are so far.
That gap that seperates us, who put it there?
Beware it says lest you risk, losing your life.

Life, most precious gift given, from on high.
The Lord gives breath and calls me to draw nigh.
Sigh, should I give up and surrender, just like that?
Confusion abounds, grace astounds, but the voice that calls me I cannot deny.
Die, live, a thread seperates each realm.
I want life, abundant, you have promised to those who Love you.

God is so good!

2008-06-29T21:02:00.003-04:00

God has been the most amazing provider these past few weeks. Here is the low down on how great God has been in my life recently.

The day I left Hamilton to come back to the Sunshine Coast, I still had not sold this $85 flight from Hamilton to Melbourne. I got a phone call at 2:15 saying someone wanted to buy it!! The airline wasn't allowing me to transfer over the name of the flight but after some customer relations I got it changed! I was then able to get money for the flight I no longer required.
They lost my laptop bag on the plane (no computer in it) and I was freaking out and panicing at the airport and then I got a phone call saying it was found!!
I left my wallet on the plane and it was found and mailed back to me with nothing taken out of it (There was over $400 in it).
I checked into the seediest hostel on the coast and hated it, and all my friends offered to take me in!
As I had no wallet at this aforementioned hostel, they took my passport. After I paid them they could not find my passport in the safe, the till or anywhere else for 3 days, leaving me panic stricken. The day I checked out early as I'd had enough they had my passport waiting for me on the desk.

These small events would not have happened if I didn't continually persist in knowing that God is the great provider for all of our needs. I can choose to recognise that these events happened by luck, but I believe that God has had His hand in everything to make what seems impossible, possible!

Blessings in small packages.

2008-06-15T05:34:00.003-04:00

Today was such a blessed day for me. I woke up all sickly again not wanting to go to church but I knew it would do me good. I stood faintly for the one hour worship, bad musicians and all and heard God say “Sheena, listen to the words” So I did. The words were so touching it didn’t matter how good the musicians were. I was so touched by this simple act of obeying God and the words humbled me.

There was a guest preacher at Southern Grampians Life Centre (as has been the 5/6 weeks I have been in Hamilton… odd) and he was talking about Sri Lanka and the work they are doing over there with their ministry and this quotation on mercy spoke to me:

Mercy is not merely a passive emotion – but an active desire to remove the cause of distress in others

After not wanting to go to church this morning and knowing there was yet more to be spoken to me today, Lorraine asked me to lunch with her and for a drive to Portland to drop her Godson off. Now, Ethan (her Godson) I believe will be a great evangelist/preacher/minister in the future. He has such a heart for God and he is 3 YEARS OLD!! On the car ride to Portland (one hour) he opened his bible and said I’m going to preach for you! I thought okay, what can a 3 year old really do but spit out words he thinks are on the page. He was like okay, Philippians 4:6, opened it up and READ it… now, seeing as it is a popular verse I asked him to turn to Jeremiah 29:11 and he flips through his Bible, finds the verse and READS it… like here is a 3 year old, READING a Bible! Then just when you think that was spectacular, he began preaching to us about Jesus being in our heart and it made complete sense! He went on to say we can’t focus on the trees or the road or the railway signs, we have to focus on the Lord. He was blowing my mind away. At the end he was like does anyone have any worries or negative thoughts? (This kids doing an alter call) So we each said a worry and then he said I have a negative thought. (This is where it gets supernatural) He goes on to say that he sees a fire in a house and it’s the first Sunday of January. Then he goes on to say “Don’t fear, its okay, I have an encouraging word for you. Jesus was there to protect the person who died in the fire and brought her to heaven”

At this point I have tears in my eyes and am trying to compose myself. If some readers do not know, my mom was not a Christian, passed away in a fire in her cottage on the first Sunday of January 2007. This boy truly brought me a message of hope from God that my mother was safely brought into His protection. Ethan went on to sing worship music he made up (he also plays the guitar) and it was just incredible. This boy is truly a blessing in my life, at 3 years old and already touching the hearts of others who also – as Ethan says “Love the Lord”. He is an inspiration and just an incredible boy of God who will go on to do great things for the Kingdom.

Ethan Noah Rae - watch out Australia because this little boy is a BIG Blessing in a small package.

Bono on Jesus

2008-06-09T21:26:00.002-04:00

Courtesy of James MacPherson

Author Michka Assayas: "Christ has His rank among the world's great thinkers. But Son of God? Isn't that far-fetched?
Bono: "No, it's not far-fetched to me. Look, the secular response to the Christ story always goes like this: He was a great prophet, obviously a very interesting guy, had a lot to say along the lines of other great prophets, be they Elijah, Muhammad, Buddha or Confucius."
But actually, Christ doesn't allow you to do that. He doesn't let you off the hook. Christ says: 'No. I'm not saying I'm a teacher, don't call me teacher. I'm not saying I'm a prophet. I'm saying: I'm the Messiah. I'm saying I am God incarnate.'
"And people say: 'No, no, please just be a a prophet. A prophet we can take. You're a bit eccentric. We've had John the Baptist eating locusts and wild honey, we can handle that. But don't mention the 'M' word! Because, you know, we're gonna have to crucify you.'
"And He goes: 'No, no, actually I am the Messiah.'
"At this point, everyone starts staring at their shoes and saying: 'Oh, my God, He's gonna keep saying this.'
"So what you're left with is either Christ was who He said He was - the Messiah - or a complete nutcase. I mean, we're talking nutcase on the level of Charles Manson ... I'm not joking here. The idea that the entire course of civilisation for over half of the globe could have its fate changed and turned upside-down by a nutcase, for me THAT's so far-fetched ..."