Charity Case

The past couple months I have been asking God to give me a theme for the month. Something He wants to speak to me about and focus on. God told me the month of December was going to be all about acceptance. Without asking Him, I just assumed God meant I would finish the month feeling accepted even more by Him. I never imagined that it would manifest itself in so many different ways, and it is only December 6th.

Accepting Help

How many times have I slipped and fallen? Fallen down the stairs? Fallen up the stairs? Every single time I feel dumb and clumsy as if everyone is going to be staring at me having expected that I have fallen and hurt myself. My first instinct is to look around and see if anyone has seen me fall. When and if someone has seen me, they tend to laugh alongside with me at the fall and then offer their hand to help. Chances are, each and every time I say, "No, thanks, I'm all right. I've got it. I can do it. No problem. I'm OK. Oh, it's really no big deal. I can handle it. I don't need your help." It's as though if I accepted their hand for a help up (someone who is genuinely showing concern about my fall) would demonstrate my own weakness.

God reminded me of something that happened this past week. As I was getting ready for work one morning, I looked outside my window and noticed that it was pouring rain out. Using that as a guide to what I would wear that day, I decided that I should probably dig out my boots and waterproof them before heading out. I sprayed them with the waterproofing spray and then headed to my car for the long yet exciting 3 block drive to work. As I confidently stepped onto my porch and down onto the first step, my newly sprayed boot made contact with the fresh rain shortly before my back side also made contact with the wet cement steps. All 5 of them. Ouch! The first thing I did was get right to my feet to make sure that no one had noticed my dramatic, yet epic fall. I even looked across the street to see if the old man who frequents sitting on his porch was there as a witness to my fall. I dusted off my soon-to-be bruised tail bone and gracefully entered my car to escape the scene of my very embarrassing moment. I am telling you now, it was worthy of a captive audience in a sold out theater.

It is more difficult for some people to ask for help than others. This is definitely something that I too struggle with as more often than not, I'm determined and encouraged to handle it myself. I know that I am not alone in this. The answer to this came as I was reading Bob Lenz's book Grace. He says, "If we say we're Christians, we must admit we're charity cases". What he means by this is that we cannot go around saying that we can do it all on our own. We need to accept help from others, especially when it is being offered to us on a silver platter right in front of our face. The truth is, most people do not want to be seen as a charity case. We don't like to ask for help or seem weak.

As I talked to God about this part in the book, I openly told Him that I don't like those feelings either. As much as I was glad no one was there to see me fall down the stairs, deep in my heart I know that it would have been so much nicer if someone could have been there to help me up. It makes getting up off the cold, wet ground that much easier. I don't like feeling helpless, like a charity case; but that is what we need to be in front of the Lord. He so desperately wants to be there for us and depend on Him. I was then reminded of these verses in 1 Corinthians:

Remember, dear brothers and sisters, that few of you were wise in the world’s eyes or powerful or wealthy when God called you. Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important. As a result, no one can ever boast in the presence of God. 1 Corinthians 1:26-29 (NLT)

God alone made it possible for us to be in Christ Jesus. He is the one who made us completely acceptable to God. The verse tells us that God chose the foolish, powerless, and despised; those who were counted as nothing at all. I don't want to be called foolish, powerless, despised, and nothing at all. I want to be important. I want to say that I did it, that I matter. But the funniest, most ironic thing is that when you are in the place of receiving charity from the Lord, you don't feel like a nothing. You feel like you matter. You feel the worth of God saying, "I love you!"

There are times when it is okay to boast in independence and giving things all that you've got. When I walked down those stairs, with the excitement and pride of wearing my newly sprayed winter boots I was proudly walking with confidence. I felt good about myself despite the rain and I was doing it on my own. Then before I knew it I was flat on my back end at the bottom of the stairs disappointed because I felt embarrassed and that I had failed such a simple task. Falling down and realizing that we need help even when we don't think we need it takes us off guard and goes against our human nature. Most people love to give a helping hand and say, "Hey! Here you go, let me help you!" Yes, people love to give, but we hate being charity cases. God doesn't work that way. He wants us to be dependant on Him and seek His will for our lives. When we are too independent, we think we've made it on our own and take the credit for what God has done in our life.

It's OK to be a charity case. I know that I am one!

Un-named but known

The tears of pain and sorrow, long ago are near today and never gone, and still fresh in our minds, a mother weaps in anguish for the son that never returned home to say goodbye. How can someone look that woman in the eye and give her such a report - abort some say of the mission that claimed so many lives, for my life to live. It burns my soul and heart that I may not understand that which they understood, sense what they did and see what they saw. Death all around, the stench of flesh decomposing and the reminder that they too may be next, put to the test, where no one grades and no mark is given. Their reward; to survive, to soar high above their enemy and win the battle or lose, they don't choose. As I write this in the morning, its hard to think, not knowing, while this candle lit and dimly glowing, a shadow cast on a face downcast yet with a touch of pride. As I write, the emotions are still raw, not yet thawed by the autumn sun on the horizon. With a wing and a prayer we hope the best in this time of fear, that those we may have lost, they so dear, may somehow share in the freedom, this dream, beacon of hope we call home, this land, this country, this nation under God. I pray the lost soldier... brother, sister, father or son, some un-named but still I remember I was there - no I will be there in rememberance not only on this day but every day. Keep dreaming, succeeding and building on the seeds sown in ages past that will one day flow, in that land where poppies grow, perhaps slow but enough for even those who may not know the price paid for the freedom of many. We know we all live in freedom for what Christ did... the ultimate sacrifice. Silence... commemoration, adoration and maybe frustration for victories won, battles lost, friendships forged and at such a great cost; to the line in the sand, the musty earth from which we took on our existence. I plant here my feet on this ground, remembering ones too soon gone, with a tinge of pride and hope that one day we may meet again in distant lands.

Lest I forget.

A child's view on thunderstorms

A little girl walked to and from school daily.

Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to school.

As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with lightning.

The mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school. She also feared the electrical storm might harm her child.

Full of concern, the mother got into her car and quickly drove along the route to her child's school.

As she did, she saw her little girl walking along.

At each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up, and smile.

More lighting followed quickly and with each, the little girl would look at the streak of light and smile.

When the mother drew up beside the child, she lowered the window and called, "What are you doing?"

The child answered, "I am trying to look pretty because God keeps taking my picture."

An Interconnected, not Compartmentalized Life.

I love to cook and bake. God knows I am able to relate to the art of baking and so I have recently come to the conclusion that life is all connected through the use of a baking analogy. When we understand the pursuit of the Kingdom of God, His righteousness and our God-ordained purpose is the foundation for wanting to do ‘it all’, we now need to figure out how this really works in our everyday lives.

I have found most things in life come back to a really yummy 'Chocolate Cocoa-Buttermilk Cake with Chocolate Icing' recipe that I make. Let me explain. I want you to think of this chocolate cake recipe. In order to make this cake you will need:

• 14 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
• 2 cups plus 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• ¾ cup unsweetened cocoa powder
• 1¼ teaspoons baking soda
• ½ teaspoon salt
• 1¼ cups buttermilk
• 2 tablespoons brewed espresso or strong coffee, cooled
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• 1¾ cups packed light brown sugar
• 2 large eggs
• Chocolate icing
  
  

You simply could not make this cake without every ingredient listed above, yet when a piece of cake is sitting before you with an oversized dollop of whipped cream on the side, the last thing on your mind is the list of individual ingredients that went into making the cake. You're only thinking of the combined result you're just about to sit back and devour.

However, the truth is that the cake is made up of many different ingredients, all of which are key to its success. Every cake starts with a measure of flour and then various other ingredients depending upon what kind of cake it's going to become. If you removed any one of its parts, the overall result would be affected in terms of flavor and consistency. Once baked, it's impossible to isolate the flour from the eggs, or the milk from the chocolate. It's all mixed together, and that's what makes the cake so wonderful.

Similarly, every area of our life is interconnected and mixed together: spiritual, relational, emotional and physical. The whole, which is who we are, is the total of each of these parts. Just like each cake starts out with a measure of flour as its foundation, our ‘all’ begins with Jesus at the center of our lives. Then, depending upon what kind of ‘cake’ we are to be, all of the other components are added accordingly.

Simultaneously, I am a Christian, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a cell leader, a teacher, an author and all of the other facets that make me the kind of ‘cake’ that I am. Every ‘ingredient’ of my life is interconnected. I don't stop being a daughter when I sit down to write, nor do I stop being a sister when I am teaching a child how to make a monkey noise, just as I don't stop being a Christian when I'm having a ‘discussion’ with my brother. I'm all of these all of the time, and they all work together to make me who I am. My life begins to spiral out of control when I try to separate, isolate and compartmentalize these areas, rather than keeping them interconnected. I need to allow all of the components that make me who I am to work at the same time to create the God-life I'm called to live.

I used to wrongly think that as a good Christian woman, my priorities in life had to be in the following order:

1. God
2. Family
3. Church
4. Job
5. Friends
6. Leisure
7. Health/Fitness
   
   

It's not that there's anything wrong with these priorities or the order I chose to put them in, but instead of seeing my life as an interconnected whole, I had set things up in competition with each other. I was constantly frustrated because I never seemed to have enough time for anything, especially quiet time with God, and He was at the top of my list! I could not devote enough time to all (or sometimes any) of the items on my list; therefore I was never able to check off one ‘task’ and confidently move on to the next (especially in the 'right' order).

The reason things did not fit into my neatly constructed box or list of priorities was because, well, life happens! The reality is that unexpected events and disruptions occur daily, and no matter how much we try to control things, we ultimately can't control every moment of every day.

When I was compartmentalizing my life like this I was setting myself up for feeling like a clown juggling a thousand balls at once when it was even hard to juggle three. I ended up convincing myself that if I focused on being a better sister, my friends would be neglected in the process. Or if I pursued a career, there would be less time for church and friends. Or if I wanted to spend time with family, then I was not spending time with God. So every time I tried to develop one area, I was secretly feeling guilty for neglecting another. My life kind of became one big mess of competing priorities.

God never intended for life to be a juggling act, nor for us to feel that if we nurture one aspect of our lives, it will be at the expense of another. The different aspects of our lives are not supposed to compete against each other because each is valid and necessary, and together, make us who we are.

The Cross - A Revelation

In my car hangs a cross necklace over my rear view mirror that my brothers gave me. Seeing it there every time I am in my car is a reminds me that I am so thankful for Jesus. Recently I have also been wearing my cross necklace on a frequent basis. I’ve been thinking about the cross and all that Jesus did for me through this symbol I wear around my neck and proudly display in my car.

God took an opportune moment last week to speak to me about just this.You know that ‘twilight’ time that you have right before you wake up in the morning? That time where it seems like you’re already awake but you have yet to open your eyes? So this is when God decided to show me this conversation. I was both the person doing the talking, yet the person I was talking to also shared my name.

The event went a little like this:

I was at a grocery store and I notice that the teller ringing me through is wearing a cross necklace.

“Oh, you’re a Christian” I ask her.

“What?” she responds in a confused tone.

“You’ve got a cross around your neck. You must be a Christian.”

“Oh no, its just pretty and nice.” She tries to confirm me.

I look at her nametag and replied, “No Sheena, it wasn’t nice! It was nasty!”

She then looked at me as if I was an alien that landed from another planet.

So we’re doing all the stuff on the conveyor belt and I say, “Listen to me Sheena, just listen to me. If I had an earring here and you said, ‘What’s your earring?’ I said oh, that one there, that is a gas chamber. ‘No!’ Yeah, that one is a gas chamber. You said ‘Oh, why are you wearing a gas chamber on your ear?’ I said well I like to remember how millions of Jewish people died in the Second World War. And then you said to me, ‘What’s your other earring?’ That one there, oh it’s an electric chair. ‘No?!’ you say because you’re so shocked. Yeah, an electric chair. You would say ‘well why is it you have an electric chair earring?’ And I said well I like to remember how certain criminals in the United States were executed for their crimes.

I said, Sheena, what would you think of me if I walked around with an electric chair earring and a gas chamber earring?”

She said, ‘Well I’d think you’d absolutely lost it, and you’ve absolutely gone mad.’

I said, “Sheena, is that because they are symbols of execution?”

She goes, “Yeah, that’s why.”

I said, “So Sheena, what do you think you’re wearing around your neck?”

There was this long pause. It was amazing because in a giant supermarket, it was as if the sound stopped and you could actually feel the pregnant pause.

“Sheena, you’ve got to remember this. Jesus didn’t wear it around his neck; he wore it on his back. Big difference.” I said as I broke the silence.

“See, so many people wear it as jewelry. You can’t wear it as jewelry. This doesn’t mean it is wrong to wear it around your neck but you cannot wear it as jewelry. The symbol of Christianity is a symbol of death. It is death that purchased you and me forgiveness from the cross.”

Then I woke up. It has taken me a while to completely understand the entire complexity of this conversation, but I know that God was confirming in me the seriousness of what Jesus did on the cross. It’s not a something I adorn myself with because it ‘looks nice’, rather it is an understanding that as I wear the cross around my neck, I am reminded of the death of Jesus and the very reason I am where I am today. Now when I go into my car I am in awe of all that Jesus did for me and cannot help but thank him over and over for his own death on the cross. Whenever I look into the mirror and see the cross around my neck, I am taken aback by the deliberate and meaningful sacrifice that Jesus made for me. Now that is big.

If you were the sky

If you were a lesson
I would learn through you
If you were a lane
I would merge to you

If you were a bed
I would dream on you
If you were a twitter
I would follow you

If you were a race
I would run for you
Walk for you
Crawl for you
Whatever you
Want me to

If you were a song
I would repeat you
If you were the sky
I’d look up at you

If you were a movie
I would star in you
If you were a shopping mall
Id buy everything from you

If you were a light
I would stop for you
Wait for you
Go for you
Whatever you
Want me to

If you were a game
I would win at you
If you were a star
I would shine with you

If you were the ice
I would skate on you
If you were a plant
I would water you

If you were a writer
I would read through you
Laugh through you
Cry through you
Whatever you
Want me to

But because you are a man
I will need you
Want you
Love you
Whatever you
Want me to.

Flour: Head to Toe

I love to bake. I seem to enter into this secret world when I am in the kitchen attempting a new recipe where I feel so much joy and excitement. Like literally, I feel like I am at the top of my game and no one can strike me down... kind of like a superhero. Okay, maybe that analogy is a bit of a far stretch. I love seeing a recipe, following directions, and coming up with a stunning result. Baking is an art. As much as there are steps to follow, I can still become creative as I allow my hands to mold dough, shape batter and drizzle chocolate.

When I was baking the other day, I was again reminded of the patience required to bake. Recipe: Chocolate Vanilla Triangles. This is how the first batch came out of the oven.


Not looking much like triangles now do they? The first peek into the oven and I knew that they were a flop. Literally. The triangles turned into circles and I was saddened. It didn't last long however as I was confident in my skills as a baker and knew that the chocolate mixture required thickening as it was too loose of a batter. Out came the flour and I mixed it together and put the mixture in the freezer to set. Again I went at the next batch, carefully cutting out my circles from the vanilla dough and forming them into triangles with the brownie-like batter in the center. As seen below, they all still didn't seem to co-operate in the oven.


Aaha! I knew exactly what needed to be done. I was determined to get the little chocolate vanilla triangles to look like triangles and be edible at the same time. I needed to add some consistency to the vanilla dough this time so that when I was rolling it out with my rolling pin, it wouldn't stick to my table and become frustrating to play with. Now, most people would just add flour, like I did to the chocolate mixture. I knew that this was not the case and instead, I needed to combine flour with icing sugar in order to not allow the dough to get too tough. I didn't want to compromise the taste for the looks. Apparently I compromised my own looks though as my black shirt and dark jeans ended up covered head to toe in flour. I laughed and continued to go about baking in the state of such joy and excitement.


Four hours later, and all of the baking and clean-up was done! Now, I just had to step outside and dust myself of the white flour film that covered every morsel of my body. I left so satisfied of the end results and know that there is such delight in every single bite taken of these little triangles. Some may ponder why on earth someone would take four hours to bake a bunch of little cookies, but for me there is such excitement in the process. Then, when my room mates try them and are so delighted at the combination of flavors exploding in their mouths... it becomes even that much more worth it.

Patience and experience played a key role in the success of this recipe. I have always been a patient person but this recipe proved to test just that. I was so pleased with my initial reaction when the first batch was a flop. I could have easily given up, but I choose instead to think of a solution and I was confident that it would be a success. All of the time spent in the kitchen alongside my mum benefited me greatly when baking these. She was a very talented baker and had all of the tricks of the trade. I caught on to many of them but the rest will be a journey. A journey I am willing to embark on as I just love the art of baking.

Lady Wisdom

“You’re blessed when you meet Lady Wisdom,

when you make friends with Madame Insight.

She’s worth far more than money in the bank;

her friendship is better than a big salary.

Her value far exceeds all the trappings of wealth;

nothing you could wish for holds a candle to her.

With one hand she gives long life,

with the other she confers recognition.

Her manner is beautiful,

her life wonderfully complete.

She’s the very Tree of Life to those who embrace her.

Hold her tight – and be blessed!”

- Proverbs 3:13-18 (The Message)

Hope

In the last few weeks, I myself have been asking and questioning God as to what good fruit has surfaced as a result of all of the hard times in my life. I know that God works all things together for my good and will use these things to produce even greater things in my life and in the lives of others.

Over the last few weeks God has been speaking to me a lot about hope. Cell last night covered the topic of Teaching vs. Training. For me, it's easy to learn about what God teaches me through suffering, but to then turn that around and find the hope that lies within these challenging times just clicked in my head and made so much sense.

Nevertheless, the assertion was this – that the only things you really, really know about God – the things that have become convictions in your spirit – are the things you have learned through times of suffering. Everything else is just theory.

Perhaps even more than some facets of our spiritual life, our understanding of hope is certainly forged in the fire. And sometimes, in the cold. When it doesn’t seem like anything is happening. When it seems, in fact, like the last of the embers have gone out.

It’s in both these kinds of trials that God teaches me a lot about hope. Not a wistful, Pollyanna kind of hope, but a gutsy, eyes-wide-open, planted-in-faith, battle-ready kind of hope.

A hope that’s rooted in the unshakable fact that we have a good God who never ever lets us go.

Research, Ideas and Notes, oh my!

(chanted to the "lions and tigers and bears, oh my!" cadence from The Wizard of Oz)

So I've decided to write a book. This hasn't been a quick and brief decision (You may remember this post from November 2008) rather a drawn out and elongated one... and I've finally realized that I do want to do this and that I will actually be good at doing so.

I subscribe to an email list called The Daily Om, little essays on spirituality and growth, basically. Sometimes they're silly, sometimes they're insightful--and once in a while, one makes me say, "Oh, yeah."

I've been in a season of transition for quite some time now and come September, it will be yet another journey of finding a new job and pursuing my dreams. I ask God for vision and insight into what this next season will look like and time and time again I hear from God that I should write a book. I kindly thank Him for this advice and keep the sweet promises of whats to come tucked away in my journal for 'later'. I've had little motivation to write lately (as you can tell by my lack of blog posts lately) and now, am finally turning back to it. It didn't make sense. Being in this season of transition, shouldn't I be excited to dive into something new, something I am good at? I think today's 'Daily Om' piece offers a little insight.

Permission To Simply Be
Working Through Transitions
The elation we feel when we have learned an important lesson, achieved a goal, or had a big breakthrough can sometimes be met with a period of downtime afterward. During this period of transition, we may feel unsure and not know where to turn next. Many people, during the pause between achievements, begin to wonder what their life is about. These feelings are common and strike everyone from time to time. Human beings are active creatures—we feel best when we are working on a project or vigorously pursuing a goal. But there is nothing inherently wrong with spending a day, a week, or even a month simply existing and not having a plan. Just be. It won’t be long before you embark upon your next voyage of growth and discovery.

The quiet lull into we which we fall between ideas, projects, and goals can make life seem empty. After accomplishing one objective, you may want to move immediately on to the next. However, when your next step is unclear, you may feel frustrated, disconnected, or even a mild depression. You may even perceive your lack of forward momentum as an indicator of imminent stagnation. To calm these distressing thoughts, try to accept that if your intent is personal growth, you will continue to grow as an individual whether striving for a specific objective or not. Spending time immersed in life’s rigors and pleasures can be a cathartic experience that gives you the time you need to think about what you have recently gone through and leisurely contemplate what you wish to do next. You may also find that in simply being and going through the motions of everyday life, you reconnect with your priorities in a very organic, unforced way.

The mindful transitional pause can take many forms. For some, it can be a period of reflection that helps them understand how their life has unfolded. For others, it can be a period of adjustment, where new values based on recent changes are integrated into daily life. Just because you’re not headed swiftly to a final destination doesn’t mean you should assume that you have lost your drive. The stage between journeys can become a wonderful period of relaxation that prepares you for the path that will soon be revealed to you.

For me, I have been really busy recently with the move, working, and family obligations. Since Susan and Kevin's wedding on Saturday, I have done a lot of relaxing and God has been speaking to me about the next season of my life in little bits. Writing is a big part of it.

So today I have begun researching, jotting down new ideas, looking at my old journals for ideas and insight from the past and have been writing and writing and writing. Deep inside my very being I am elated and so expectant for this next season.

Stay Tuned!